Strange
by Shaker10
Summary: Pippa Fielding; An innocent newcomer in the music industry who wins at the same award show as Tokio Hotel. Her and Bill hit it off, so well that they are forced together for fame. But, what happens when the strain of lying to the world takes over?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Click, click… snap.**

I smiled sweetly as camera flashes glared at me from every direction. Thankfully, I had grown used to having my eyes pierced by fierce beams of light. Oh and the screaming of my name; that was a bit more difficult to familiarize myself with. Strangers, all wanting your attention, all at the same moment. Shoving their microphones in your face and interrogating you with humdrum questions that you have already answered at least a hundred times before.

The glamorous life of a celebrity.

Or so it was supposed to be. I had never expected it to be the least bit easy, but I never thought it could be this intense. Privacy was sporadic, almost completely nonexistent. And the little of which you got would likely be eaten away by your questioning of your own sanity. There were often times when I had found myself, curled up in a ball on my sofa, wondering why on Earth I would put myself through this voluntarily. Of course, I always knew the answer.

Music.

It was practically the answer to every question I had asked myself in my moments of doubt. Any time that I had felt lost or unsure about my decisions, all I had to do was listen to a couple of inspirational songs and I suddenly had my whole life in perspective once more. It was safe to say that fame scared me at times. My indecisiveness and doubt also bothered me. I just seemed to be waiting for the day when I finally couldn't handle it anymore. The day when I had to throw in the towel and walk away from my dream. But until then, I had to try and get something positive out of the stressful situation that I had forced myself into.

"Pippa, move along." Alice, my manager, whispered encouragingly from behind me. I did as she said and walked a few steps further along the cherry red carpet, carefully avoiding other artists and bands. The 2009 MTV EMA Awards had brought me across the world to Berlin, Germany. More specifically, my nomination for Best New Act had brought me here. Yes, Best _New_ Act. You might be under the impression that I have been famous for a while. Well, if you are I'm sorry to disappoint you. I was only new to the fame scene and I was already questioning my conviction. Silly, isn't it? You'd think that I would just suck it up and be thankful for my opportunities, wouldn't you? Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for my fame… in some ways. In others it feels more like a curse, thrust upon me for all of my previous wrong doings.

"Pippa!"

"Miss Fielding, over here!"

They constantly called my name, willing me to grace their camera with a million dollar smile. I hardly ever did though. I mostly kept my eyes poised above the camera lens. Unless it was an interview, then I had to make eye contact with the horrid piece of plastic and pretend that it was in fact a human being I was talking to. Camera's made me feel intimidated, exposed. Many people have said that I won't last in the industry, I'm simply too fragile and naive. I'm not though, I'm just a shy, reserved person. Forgive me if I don't feel particularly comfortable with complete strangers knowing everything about me. Other people, nicer people, say that I just need time to adjust to the sudden influx of interest in my life and self in general.

Truth is, I may never adjust completely. I might forever be terrified by the idea of being famous.

"Talk to them." Alice guided me towards a camera crew. I silently sighed, I really didn't feel patient enough for this tonight.

"I am here now with Pippa Fielding who is nominated for Best New Act this evening." The young brunette woman turned around, positioning the microphone in front of me and the camera focused in on my face. I put on a smile, trying to seem as genuine as possible. "How does it feel to be nominated?"

Like I haven't heard that one before.

"It's an absolute privilege to be recognized on an international level, I didn't even know that my music was particularly well known over here." I laughed awkwardly as the woman just continued to stare at me. "The other artists in the category are fantastic musicians and I'm just honored to be acknowledged."

"Well we wish you the best of luck and we hope that you go home with an award tonight." I gave the camera and interviewer a smile before moving away, making way for a bigger, more experienced star to grace the screen. Another thing that intimidated me; experienced artists. They always made me feel like a little kid in an adult conversation; way out of my depth. I suppose I was out of my depth though. If it wasn't for Alice, I wouldn't have lasted two minutes.

"We are here at the 2009 MTV…" The interviewer in front of me rolled off another spiel of fake enthusiasm and I felt like telling her that I wasn't really enjoying myself either. But of course, I would never say something like that out loud. It would probably be considered career suicide. "…nervous about tonight at all?" She finished and I gave another fake smile.

"I am a little nervous but I just feel really excited to watch some of my favorite artists perform."

"And what about your nomination? Do you have a speech prepared?" An awkward chuckled escaped my lips and the woman smiled down at me motherly.

"Oh well, I don't actually. But I don't think I'll really have to worry about winning; I'm sure one of the other talented singers will have that job."

"Good luck with your nomination and I hope you have a good night." I smiled, grateful that she actually seemed sincere in her words.

I did interviews with a few more people which nearly took half an hour. Once Alice and I got inside, I was ready to just go home and sleep. Pretending to be interested in something mediocre really drags your energy levels down.

"Are you ok, Pip?" Alice asked as she ran her hand down my arm in a caring fashion. I nodded my head and smiled faintly.

"I'm just a little tired." Well, that was a rather ginormous lie. I was absolutely exhausted! Jet lag wasn't helping my case either.

"I know. But you need to look like you actually like being here, even if you don't." I nodded in understanding as we sat down in our seats. I fell into an automatic mode of smiling and clapping as the show started. Honestly, I tried to enjoy it as much as I could but it just couldn't hold my attention. I chalked my lack of concentration up to my exhaustion. I really didn't handle flying all too well, and when it was over 10 hours of being in the sky I was bound to be tired.

"…The nominees for Best New Act are…" I actually tuned myself in and prepared for the camera in front of me to zoom in. "… and Pippa Fielding. And the award goes to," Pause for dramatic effect. I desperately commanded myself not to roll my eyes.

"Pippa Fielding!"

My heart literally leapt into my throat and my face flushed. My hands flew to my mouth in shock and bewilderment as Alice shot upwards, out of her seat. I just sat there, staring wide eyed at the stage before me whilst the people around me clapped and one of my songs started to play.

"Pip come on! Get up there!" Alice pulled me up onto my shaky legs. _Why do I have to win? I don't have anything to say! I'm not prepared for this._ I attempted to take a step towards the stage and nearly broke my ankle. _I knew I shouldn't have worn such high heels!_ I scolded myself as a man held onto my hand and guided me towards the stairs. A small whine escaped my mouth as I eyed the steps cautiously. If I was going to break an ankle today, it was definitely going to be on those steps. The worst part was, there was only two of them.

Carefully and slowly, I climbed the stairs. No doubt I probably looked really silly and I was probably taking way too long but I really didn't want to break anything and I knew it would happen if I rushed.

It was safe to say that I hadn't got the hang of high heeled shoes just yet.

**Bill's POV**

"I really can't wait to get out of here." Tom grumbled from beside me. I just sighed and ignored him, keeping my attention focused on the stage.

"And the award goes to… Pippa Fielding!"

I clapped my hands and glanced around, trying to find the winner. A dark haired woman shot up out of her seat and I smiled at her enthusiasm. _I swear her hair wasn't that dark though._ I had seen Pippa once before in a magazine and she certainly didn't have black hair. The overjoyed woman latched onto a girls arm and hauled her out of her seat. I couldn't see that much of her considering the fact that she was on the other side of the room but I could tell it was Pippa by her dark blonde hair. She seemed to be in a state of shock as one of the helpers led her towards the stairs. From here you could tell that she was nervous and shaky, heck it took her all day to climb two steps!

"Oh gosh," She breathed out shakily as she accepted the award and moved to stand in front of the podium. "I am really, _really_ shocked and surprised right now." She was so cute and quiet; she looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"She's a nice looking one, ah?" Tom elbowed me hard in the ribs and nodded his head toward Pippa with a smirk.

"Don't even think about it Tom, she's far too sweet." I knew exactly what my brother was talking about and I wasn't going to condone him corrupting an innocent girl like her.

"…and I want to thank the people who support me, my fans. They are amazing people who have helped me achieve my dreams and goals in life. I only hope that all of those people out there with dreams of their own can one day fulfill them. Thank you." So not only was she ridiculously cute in her looks but she was also adorable when she spoke. Thank goodness they had a microphone up there, you wouldn't have been able to hear her timid voice even if you were standing right next to her.

"How come you're allowed to make googly eyes at her but I'm not?" Tom whined and I gave him a displeased look.

"I was not making googly eyes at her. And you aren't allowed near her, she's much too good for you."

"Oh that's a nice thing to say to your brother." I ignored him and turned back to watch her leave the stage. _Was I really making googly eyes at her?_ I shook my head. It was probably just Tom trying to get a reaction out of me.

**Pippa's POV**

"I'm so proud of my girl!" Alice cooed as I sat back down next to her. I placed the MTV statue in her lap, it was pretty heavy.

"I was so surprised!" I gushed and held my hands up to my cheeks red cheeks. I had blushed the whole time I was on stage and I had only just managed to stumble through a speech of sorts. And thankfully, I hadn't broken an ankle.

"You deserve it, Pippa. You've worked hard." I gave Alice a thanking smile as she stared down at the statue. "It sure is going to look good in your apartment!" I chuckled and nodded.

"I think I'm going to put it on my dining table. That way I'll _have_ to look at it every day." Alice shook her head at me, a smile still spread across her face though.

"You really stump me sometimes." I didn't say anything in reply because the crowd of fans had started screaming loudly. My head turned towards the source of commotion. A band had moved onto the stage to perform. The presenter yelled "Tokio Hotel!" into the microphone and I wondered for a second. _Have I heard their music?_ I know that they won the award for Best Group but I was still backstage when they had gotten up to accept it, so I hadn't seen them.

_It's raining today_

_The blinds are shut _

_It's always the same_

My breath caught in my throat and shivers crept up my spine. The lead singer's voice absolutely amazed me; it was so passionate and soulful but gentle at the same time. I honestly thought for a second that it was playback and that he was just miming. But you could tell, it really was his voice.

_They're telling me it's beautiful_

_I believe them _

_But will I ever know_

_The world behind my wall_

A wave of emotion swept over me and I felt pressure building behind my eyes; I was going to cry. I couldn't believe that this song and this man's voice had such an indescribable connection to me. It felt as though the words were spilling from my own mind, as though he was speaking my true feelings. The lead singer was making his way closer to the front of the stage and I couldn't tear my eyes away.

_I'm ready to fall_

_I'm ready to crawl_

_On my knees to know it all_

_I'm ready to heal_

_I'm ready to feel_

I could feel my eyes dampening and my vision start to blur. I blinked furiously, wishing that the tears would stop distorting his image. As far as I could see, he was extremely good looking. _I would give anything to be closer to that stage._

"Alice, what's his name?" I asked quietly. I felt her stare at me for a second, she was probably wondering why I was on the verge of tears.

"Bill Kaulitz." She whispered back.

My watery eyes followed his figure as he moved toward a guitarist and started singing to him. I don't think I had even noticed anyone else on the stage before that; Bill had held my attention so well.

_I'm ready to heal_

_I'm ready to feel_

_Take me there!_

_Take me there!_

_Take me there!_

_Whoa, whoa_

_They're telling me _

_It's beautiful_

_I believe them _

_But will I ever know_

_The world behind my wall_

The whole room erupted in cheering while I sat there; frozen in my seat. How in the world could a four minute song, written by a complete stranger, make me cry?

"Pippa, are you ok?" Alice leaned in front of me, concern etched on her features. I took a deep breath, trying to bring myself back out of the trance I had been put in.

"Yes, I think so." Nodding my head slightly, I wiped at my eyes with care. The last thing I needed was people knowing that I had cried because of a song.

"What was all of that about?"

"Honestly, I'm not completely sure."

**Bill's POV**

"Ah, finally!" Tom remarked, rubbing his hands together like the villains in movies do. We had arrived at the aftershow party. I ignored my twin brother once again, he was being so negative tonight and he only wanted to party. And we all know what happened when Tom partied; he ended up taking a girl back to his hotel room. I picked up a glass of champagne and downed it all in one. I wasn't in the best mood tonight, even though we had won an award.

I turned to shoot a sly comment back at Tom, but he had completely disappeared, leaving me with Georg and Gustav.

"Oh jeez, he's on the prowl." Gustav shook his head as he picked up a glass of champagne. I glanced around the room and found him approaching a girl, it was fair to say she looked like a hooker.

"And he's found one." Georg commented, sipping on his drink and watching my twin. "What do you think, bad childhood?" He glanced at a perplexed Gustav.

"Mmm, daddy issues. Definitely daddy issues." Rolling my eyes, I moved away from them. The last thing I wanted to hear was running commentary on my brother's 'love' life. He wouldn't know what love was if it tripped him over and slapped him in the face. I let out a heavy sigh as I let myself fall onto a beige sofa.

"Oh!" A surprised squeak came from whoever I had ungracefully landed next to. I quickly sat up properly and looked to my side, ready to apologize, when I found myself face to face with a huge pair of dark green eyes. _Wait, green or brown? Or blue? _While I questioned the color of the mysterious eyes, the owner's cheeks blushed a deep red. I could definitely identify that color! I forced my eyes to take in the rest of the person's face and instantly recognized her.

"I am so sorry." I tried my best to sound sincere but her eyes were distracting me. The color seemed like a mixture of blue, green and brown; how was that even possible? "Are you alright? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No, I'm fine." Her voice was pure innocence. It was like that of those stereotypical blonde cheerleaders in really bad movies; but then again it wasn't. It wasn't fake, it wasn't an act; it was just the way she was. "You're Bill Kaulitz, aren't you?" The way she said my name was adorable, she even pronounced my last name right. I nodded my head, an abashed smile pulling at my mouth.

"Yes I am." My brain didn't seem to be functioning properly, I blamed it on her ambiguous eyes. Slowly but surely, a shy smile appeared on her face as she tentatively held her hand out for me to shake.

"I'm Pippa Fielding."


	2. Meet Me At The Hotel Room

**xXShadow-KissedXx is amazing because she left me a motivating review :3**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: Meet Me At The Hotel Room<strong>

I enclosed her small, delicate hand in mine and shook lightly, not wanting to hurt her. I felt compelled not to make any sudden movements, fearing that I would scare her away like an inquisitive kitten. Pippa was incredibly beautiful; no wonder I had seen her modeling for a brand. She was very blessed genetically, her face was rounded cutely and she had perfectly proportioned features. Except for her eyes, her mesmerizing eyes. They were larger than any others I had seen before, almost creepily big. But they were extremely beautiful and her dark blonde hair brought them out well.

"It's very nice to meet you." You could feel the sincerity in every word as she spoke.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, congratulations on your award." Her cheeks tinged pink again as she looked downward and let go of my hand.

"Oh. Thank you." I could barely hear her over the music they were playing. Suddenly, her head tilted upwards as she looked at me. "You're performance was amazing. I-I really loved it. You have a wonderful voice."

I couldn't help the proud smile that my mouth curved into. I had heard that a million times before but it rarely ever sounded so earnest. "Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"Oh I did enjoy it, a little too much perhaps." Pippa muttered so low I only just caught what she said.

"What do you mean?" My curiosity kicked in. She hesitated for a moment.

"I just… really felt connected to the song. Who wrote it for you?"

"I wrote it myself." Her eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly. I was worried that if her eyes got any bigger they would fall out completely.

"You did?" I nodded my head, smiling at her cute reaction. "My gosh, that song… it's so emotional and, and heartfelt." I tried my best not to laugh at her sudden burst of energy in her explanation. "What inspired it?"

**Pippa's POV**

Bill and I talked for what seemed like hours. We talked about his song, World Behind My Wall, and what it was about. We talked about the awards show, ourselves, people that stumbled past drunkenly, his band and how we felt about our fame. Of course, I didn't tell him the whole truth; I didn't tell him that I loathed the spotlight. The only thing I said was that it had its upside and its downside, to which he agreed absolutely. He told me that he hated it when the paparazzi followed them everywhere and invaded their privacy.

"It really frustr-" Bill got interrupted by someone's drunken voice hollering.

"Hey Bill, what's going on?" A man with black cornrows approached us. "Oh, oh I see. You were planning against me, weren't you? Ah? Thought so."

"Tom, go away." Oh, so this was Bill's twin brother.

"Nein, I'll stay if I want." He stated and threw himself onto my other side. My body tensed at the closeness of his. I really wasn't comfortable with people, especially of the male gender, sitting that close to me whilst intoxicated. Actually, it made me feel extremely uncomfortable. "So… what's your name gorgeous?"

I swallowed hard as his alcohol tainted breath invaded my air supply. If it were any other sleazy guy, I would have just left. But it was Bill's brother. And he was drunk, so I had to give him the benefit of the doubt. Surely he wasn't as crude when he was sober?

"I'm Pippa." I held my hand out to shake his. He just stared at me for a moment before taking my hand and placing a slobbery kiss on the back of it. "Oh my," I remarked, a little perturbed, as I pulled my hand away from him and wiped it on the couch.

"Tom, don't be disgusting. Just go back to your hussy." I silently sipped on my champagne as Tom huffed and stood up.

"Fine then, I'll leave you two alone. But Pippa," I glanced upwards at him, worried about what he was going to say to me. "If you want some real fun, you know what I mean, my rooms next to Bill's. Room 352." I blinked stupidly a couple of times, what Tom had offered me had thrown me off. He sent me a suggestive wink before turning around and walking away into a crowd of people.

"Did your brother really just… say that?" I turned to Bill, confusion and worry obvious on my face. I was hoping that it was just my ears playing tricks on me or a rude song had cut in.

"I am so sorry. He is so horrible, I can't apologize enough."

"That was really… creepy and gross." For a moment, it slipped my mind that we were talking about Bill's brother. He was such a sweet, kind person. Nothing like the drunken mess that had just made the most revolting first impression on me.

"I really am sorry, I don't know what more to say." Bill's caring brown eyes were filled with regret and sadness.

"It's alright. He-he's just drunk. He isn't like that normally… is he?" The more respectful of the twins sighed and downcast his eyes. "Oh, I see."

"No, he isn't as bad as that when he's sober. He's still rude, just not quite as careless and insulting." I nodded my head and swirled the last bit of champagne around in the glass. "Would you like to leave now?" I turned my head back to Bill and found that he was now looking straight at me.

"Yes please." We found out that we were actually staying in the same hotel so Bill offered me a ride. He was such a gentleman.

"Unfortunately, Tom will be riding with us. And Georg and Gustav as well, they are the other members of Tokio Hotel but they aren't bad drunks like my brother." I couldn't hide my disappointment. My stomach flopped with worry at the thought of having to sit anywhere near Tom. "Don't worry, I'll make sure he stays away from you."

"Thank you." A small smile grew on my mouth as Bill stood up, holding a hand out for me. It only just occurred to me that we had been sitting in the same spot the whole time, neither one of us going anywhere. I grasped onto his warm hand and stood, peering up at his surprised face. I knew exactly why he was surprised, it wasn't the first time someone had looked at me like that.

Here's the thing, I'm a little short.

"How tall are you?" Bill gasped as he held my arm out and looked me over. I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment as he gaped at me.

"5'3." I answered in a small voice and his eyes widened in shock. I thought he would have noticed before now that I was the average height of a teenager. I had certainly noticed that he was tall! "How tall are you?"

"Uh, I think 6'2." Bill replied as he let my arm fall down by my side.

"Wow, that's rather tall." He shrugged his shoulders and laughed. "I don't think anyone in my family is over 6 foot."

"Aw how cute, like a family of leprechauns!" My mouth fell open at his joke.

"You're the one who's abnormally tall." I tried to be serious but it just didn't work, images of my father wearing a leprechaun suit had already formed in my mind. Let me tell you, they were hilarious and it took all my might not to burst into giggles. I didn't want to give Bill the satisfaction of making me laugh.

"All right, we just have to find the guys and then we'll be set." Bill smiled down at me as he gently linked my hand with his and pulled me towards the crowd. There was a part of me that was hoping for fireworks to go off, or a shiver to go up my spine at the simple touch of his hand.

But there was nothing.

It just felt like he was holding my hand in a complete friend oriented way. Of course I was a little disappointed. It wasn't like I was hoping to fall completely in love because that would be pure fantasy; we had only known each other for a few hours. But in those few short hours we had talked. Freely, I might add. He was just such a good listener and even though I wasn't much of a talker, he didn't seem to mind. It seemed like he could just talk forever and ever if you gave him the time of day though. I liked that, it meant that he wasn't going to be a boring person. Not that I would ever think that about him anyway, he seemed like such an interesting person.

"Tom, we're going now." I hadn't noticed that we were now standing next to _him_. I really didn't mean to sound horrible but he was just giving me really creepy vibes. "Are you bringing _her_?" The way Bill said it made it seem derogatory, and I didn't like that. I wasn't going to deny the fact that she appeared to be a prostitute but still, there was no need to be rude. I attempted to let go of Bill's hand but he still had ahold of mine, so I just kept it there; dangling oddly.

"Yes I am bringing her. You got a problem with that too?" Tom shot back at Bill, unwrapping his arm from the mystery girl's waist and stepping towards his twin. I squeezed Bill's hand out of habit. I was scared that Tom was going to get violent and I really couldn't handle violence well.

"Let's just get out of here." The Mo hawked man backed away, dragging me towards the door.

"Uh Bill, could you let go a little?" I whimpered as his painted nails began to dig into the sensitive flesh of my wrist. He looked back over his shoulder at me; I could see anger flashing in his eyes. Only for a second though, before it switched to concern and worry.

"I'm so sorry," He gushed as he carefully lifted my wrist up so that he could see it. "Oh God, I am sorry. I was just thinking about Tom and, and my temper and my hand… I'm sorry."

He had me worried by his rambling. I pulled my arm out of his grasp and examined my wrist. There were two deep nail marks with blood slowly seeping out. A muffled whimper escaped my lips as I placed my fingers over the cuts. The connection of skin stung and I winced. My pain threshold had never been very high.

"Oh my God, I really am sorry! Are you ok? Can I do anything?" I shook my head lightly and bit down on my lip. I know what you're thinking, surely it doesn't hurt that much? But alas, it did. Bill's nails were super sharp and he had squeezed tightly, resulting in deep cuts.

"No, I-I just want to go. Please." I stared up at him, begging.

"Ok." He nodded understandingly and signaled to a bodyguard. "Ready to pretend you're having fun?" Bill asked with a hint of humor in his voice as he lightly grabbed onto my other hand and we walked out the front door and into a wall of camera flashes. I glanced up at him and smiled shyly. It was nice to have someone to hold your hand when you faced such harsh judgment. It made me feel protected in a strange way. And not only because I had a man holding my hand, because I had a fellow celebrity, who understood how difficult it was, holding my hand.

All kinds of questions were thrown at us, but I honestly didn't care. I knew that Bill was just being a nice person and giving me a ride back to our hotel. It was nothing more than that, no matter how much the magazines were going to insist otherwise tomorrow. As for the holding of hands, I think Bill just wanted to protect me. He had it in his mind that I was fragile and I needed to be guarded.

I plastered on a smile as we walked out into the parking lot and towards a black SUV. _Typical, really._ I swear to all things good, every celebrity traveled in a black SUV. You hardly ever saw them in anything else, especially at an event. We all clambered in, I tried to be as modest as possible and make sure that my dress didn't ride up too far, however Tom's… 'hussy' happily flashed her underwear for the cameras. Well, I hope she was wearing underwear.

"Fun, isn't it?" A blonde man sitting on the other side of me gave me a jest smile. He was very cute, if I may say so.

"Oh, not really." I chuckled a little and shook my head as Bill sat down next to me and closed the door. Tom and his friend were in the back, I was glad for that. I really didn't feel like being anywhere near him.

"Ah so you don't like the paparazzi either?" I glanced back to the blonde and shook my head once again.

"No, I really appreciate my privacy and they don't respect that." I pointed out his window as cameras kept flashing. It was like being in the middle of a lightning storm, except worse.

"Amen to that!" A brunette man hollered from the front passenger's seat, making me giggle slightly.

"I'm Pippa." I held my hand out to the blonde man next to me.

"Oh sorry, I'm Gustav. I am the drummer in Tokio Hotel." I smiled friendly as his eyebrows knitted together and he turned my hand over. "What happened to your wrist? You're bleeding."

"That was ju-"

"I did it," Bill cut in and stared down at my damaged wrist solemnly. "Accidently of course."

"Oh," That was all Gustav said before the brunette man interjected.

"I'm Georg by the way, bassist extraordinaire." He grinned smugly my way and I blushed a little. Why was everyone in this band so attractive? Tom had to be at least partially decent looking if he was Bill's identical twin, he just appeared very unattractive right now.

"It's nice to meet you." The car fell silent for a second. "Do you mind if I text my manager and tell her that I'm going back to the hotel with you?" I glanced around the passenger's in the front half of the car and they all nodded. I pulled my phone out and quickly told Alice what was going on. However it took me nearly four minutes to write it because the sloppy kissing noises coming from the backseat were throwing off my spelling. Bill, Georg and Gustav all looked at each other and grimaced. Bill was the only one to glance over his shoulder and the face he made when he saw Tom and the girl wasn't too pretty.

The silence in the car turned awkward and tense as the only sound you could hear was the horrifying sound of spit swapping in the back. It had to be the longest 25 minute car journey of my entire life!

It was obvious that paparazzi were hanging around our hotel, you could see the light from miles away as celebrities continuously turned in for the night. The hotel we had chosen to stay at was popular among the famous. Most of the artists that were in town for tonight had chosen to stay there because of its strict security, which we all relished.

I mentally calmed myself and readied my body for new wave of publicity. I knew it was guaranteed headlines with me arriving at my hotel with Tokio Hotel in tow. Of course people were going to make assumptions, of course rumors were going to start circulating. None of us could help it now, we had already been seen together. Not that I minded.

The car jolted to a stop in front of the hotel and Bill opened the door, heading out first.

"Ready to go?" Gustav asked with a smile. I inhaled deeply and slid out, taking Bill's awaiting hand. He lead me through the crowd and into the hotel doors. It was always weird once you got inside the building, suddenly the noise just stopped. You couldn't hear any of the calling or yelling from outside, but you could still feel their eyes and cameras set on you.

Bill continued to walk to the elevator, his hand still firmly holding mine.

"Wait," Bill turned to me. "My manager Alice has the room card, I don't." The tall man just shrugged mindlessly.

"You can hang out in my room until she comes back, if you want to." My lips broke into a coy smile.

"She could be a while, it's only 11:30." Bill's thumb caressed the back of my hand.

"I'm not going anywhere."

**Bill's POV**

I really liked talking to Pippa, she was the best listener I had ever had the privilege to meet. And being a good listener was a quality that most people lacked, unfortunately for me. We had sat on the sofa in my room talking for a while now, her manager hadn't returned her 10,000 messages. Pippa seemed restless to get back to her room. I put it down to her not wanting to keep me awake or something silly like that, she was such a caring person.

A defeated sigh came from Pippa's mouth as she placed her mobile phone on the coffee table. "She won't reply. I think she might have turned her phone off." The devastation in her voice was clear, she knew there was no way she was getting into her room tonight.

"Why don't you stay the night here?" I offered and she stared at me blankly for a minute. "I can take the couch if that would make you more comfortable."

A grateful smile graced her face. "Thank you Bill, that would be great. I'm sorry about this. I promise you I'll grill Alice tomorrow."

I chuckled at the thought. She was so adorable.

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	3. Every Person Experiences Violation

**My amazingful reviewers: xXShadow-KissedXx, CaribbeanTrinidadian and lpwriter4life**

**Chapter 3: Every person experiences violation**

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><p>"Do you-uh, oh this is embarrassing." I mumbled and Bill hid his smile.<p>

"Do I what?" He urged.

"Do you have um, anything to um… oh dear." I sucked in a big breath to overcome my shame. "Do you have anything I could borrow to sleep in?" My face contorted in embarrassment. I didn't feel comfortable asking to wear his clothes, but I really couldn't sleep in my dress. I was renting it from a store, and they would expect it back in tip top condition and I was planning on keeping that agreement.

A sweet laugh came from Bill as he nodded. "Of course I do, I probably have an old shirt from when I was a baby that would make a good nightgown for you!"

Another height joke.

He'd been sneaking them in ever since we left the party. My cheeks burnt hotter and I wrapped my arms around my waist, feeling my embarrassment even more.

"There's no need to be embarrassed, it's a simple request." He chided ever so slightly as he knelt down over his suitcase. "Uh, this should fit." He mumbled and handed me a plain black tank top.

"Thank you." I checked the size, it was going to be loose. I was quite small altogether, but healthily small.

"And these." My eyes widened at what he had thrust in my direction. A pair of dark blue boxer shorts dangled from his hand. There was no way I was comfortable wearing his underwear.

"I-uh, um… ohh gosh, I-I-I can't," My stuttering made Bill's forehead crease.

"What's wrong? You don't like blue?"

"N-not that, I just can't… I can't wear, I can't wear your un-" My breath hitched in my throat as the word got stuck.

"You can't wear my…?" One of his eyebrows lifted higher than the other as he stared at me in confusion. _Get yourself together!_ I was such a blushing, stuttering mess!

"Underwear! I can't wear your underwear!" I slapped a hand over my mouth as I realized that I had just yelled it out. To make it worse, Bill laughed. He laughed at me.

"Oh God… you really are a prude, ah?" I gasped in shock.

"I am not a prude. I just refuse to sleep in my male acquaintances undergarments!" The corners of Bill's lips curled upwards in an amused smile. I took a deep, calming breath and gathered myself. "Do you have anything else I could borrow?"

"Gosh, you're so picky!" Guilt pulled at my heart strings.

"I'm sorry, I just don't feel comfortable wearing your boxers." Bill stopped rummaging and glanced up at me, smiling faintly.

"I was joking, honey. You aren't picky and it's fine."

"Oh," I stated stupidly. _He just called me honey. How can I not be feeling a little stupid right now?_

"Here you go, these might be a bit long." My mouth tugged into a shy smile as I detected the underlying height joke. Of course the pants he had given me were going to be long, he was nearly a foot taller than me!

I walked into the bathroom to change, leaving a very amused Bill behind. I peeled the short, off-white dress from my body, leaving my underwear on, and climbed into Bill's clothes. Of course, the pants were too long and the shirt was rather loose.

Sighing at my reflection in the mirror, I picked up a face cloth and scrubbed away all the makeup. I would have to borrow a hairbrush from Bill, the bun that my dark blonde hair was pulled into was giving me a dull headache. Once I had finished removing the makeup from my face, I inhaled and attempted a toothy grin.

It didn't look right. It never looked right. It used to though, before I succumbed to the pressure.

"Hey are you nearly done? I kinda need to use the toilet… like, now." My eyes snapped away from the mirror. Bill was lightly knocking on the door. I could hear the strain in his voice.

"Sure. Just a second." I moved away from the counter and picked up my dress, slinging it over my arm. I opened the door to see Bill in the infamous 'I-need-to-go-potty' stance. He had his long legs crossed and he was lightly bouncing up and down, wearing a desperate expression on his face. "Oh you really _do_ need to go."

"Yeah!" Bill stated sharply and jogged funnily into the bathroom, kicking the door shut behind him. I let a stream of giggles flow as I walked to the wardrobe, I needed to hand my dress up. "You know, that champagne goes right through me! Does it with you?" He called from the bathroom.

"Uh, no… no it doesn't." My voice faltered a little as I contained more giggles. What kind of person makes casual talk whilst using the bathroom?

"Oh gosh, you are lucky. I thought I was going to wet myself!" He continued on as I heard the toilet flush and the tap turn on. By now, my cheeks were getting sore from holding in my laughter, only letting a couple of chuckles slip. Careful not to crease the dress, I hung it up on a coat hanger on the door handle and smoothed it out. It was rather an inconvenient wardrobe, if you were to hang anything in it, the material was bound to crease because it was such a short wardrobe. You probably couldn't even hang a shirt in there, let alone a knee length dress!

"No crinkles for you." I muttered to the piece of clothing as I adjusted it. A chuckled came from behind me, and I mean right behind me.

"Do you always talk to your clothes or is this fine dress an exception?" I felt my cheeks blush red as Bill grinned down at me cheekily. I shook my head and flicked a piece of lint off the shoulder of it before turning to face Bill. Rather, face to chest really. Without my high heels on, it was even further for me to look upwards to see his face.

"I… you don't think it's weird do you?" His eyebrows shot into his hairline.

"No, I think it's perfectly normal." I honestly couldn't tell whether he was making fun of me or being serious.

"You're not teasing me, are you?" The angle I had to tilt my head at was most uncomfortable. If I got a kink in my neck, Bill was going to have to massage it out!

"No. No, I wouldn't tease you about your… clothing fetish." The corners of my mouth pulled downward into a severely offended frown.

"It's not a fetish, I don't do it all the time. Fetish makes it sound like I get some sort of sexual pleasure out of talking to material, which I clearly don't… that would be very unnerving." Bill appeared as though he'd been caught in a miniature tornado. His eyes were alarmingly large, his eyebrows pulled together and a disgusted grimace painted on his mouth.

"_Very_ unnerving." He repeated cautiously and turned, heading back into the bathroom. I cleared my throat awkwardly and moved to sit down on the couch as I heard the shower turn on. I picked up my phone and checked it again, hoping that Alice had messaged me back. But there was no reply. Sighing heavily, I pulled my legs up and rested my chin atop my knee.

She was going to pay for this.

It's not that I didn't want to spend the night with Bill, I really didn't mind that at all. It was the feeling of awkwardness I had created in the room. I wasn't sure if Bill was completely alright with me staying the night. I know it seemed silly to think someone as nice as him would backtrack on the offer and throw me out, but I had never felt comfortable accepting things from anyone. Even my family.

"Bill!"

I jumped at the sudden frantic knocking on the door. I nervously glanced towards the bathroom, hoping the door would swing open and Bill would step out. But I knew it wasn't going to happen; Bill was in the shower, singing loudly. His beautiful voice calmed me, but the rapid knocking at the door and calling was doing the opposite. I started to freak out. What if it was a murderer? Or someone looking to hurt Bill?

_They wouldn't knock if they were going to kill him now, would they?_

The voice of reason in my head was being drowned out by the possible murderer, still pounding on the door and calling Bill's name. For a split second, I considered rushing into the bathroom to get Bill. I decided against it, the door was probably locked and if I did stumble in there, it was going to be unbelievably awkward.

I took a deep breath to calm down my racing pulse and forced myself to step closer to the door. I had to at least look through the peephole. The knocking had stopped for a second, and I took the chance to quickly glance through the little window.

Tom.

My breath hitched in my throat as he angrily stared back at me through the peephole. My heartbeat picked up even more and I placed a cautious hand over my chest to make sure that my heart wasn't actually thumping out of my body.

"Bill, hurry up! Open the door!" Tom shouted and threw his fist at the black, wood door once again. The whole thing shuddered ominously and I whimpered. I was terrified. If I let Tom in, what was he going to do to me? But if I didn't he would probably knock the door off its hinges!

One last time, I looked over my shoulder towards the bathroom. The steam was still floating out from around the doorframe wistfully. My bottom lip trembled as my eyes threatened to water. I sucked in a huge breath and bit my lip as I firmly held onto the doors lock. In one swift motion, I flicked the lock and threw the door open, preparing myself for pain.

There was no impact, no flying, no pain. All I could hear was heaving breathing, I wasn't sure if it was coming from me or Tom. My eyes were squeezed tightly shut and I really didn't want to open them.

"You." His voice was low and gruff and it scared me even more. I forced my eyes open and stared at him with watery eyes. If I had to use just one word to describe how he appeared, it would definitely have been aggravated. "Where's Bill?"

"I-in the sh-shower." I stuttered. His eyes moved towards the bathroom behind me and he nodded his head once, acknowledging that I wasn't lying. He took a step towards me and a shaky breath emitted from my mouth.

"I need to… borrow something from him." Like a snap of fingers, his persona switched from angry to flirtatious. Needless to say, I got even more terrified. Distasteful thoughts rushed through my mind. Was he going to kidnap me? Rape me?

Tom stepped even closer, his eyes burning down into my own. My knees started to shake as nerves overcame all of my senses. Even though I wanted to, I couldn't move; I was paralyzed. It was like his eyes were magnets, holding me in place. I tried to hear if Bill was still singing or not but I couldn't tear myself away from Tom's deep brown eyes as he moved even closer. Our bodies were touching now; the comfort ship had sailed _long_ ago!

I could feel his revolting, hot breath washing down over me, it still smelt of alcohol. I could feel his stomach, pushing against mine as he breathed. I could feel a boiling hot tear roll down my cheek. I was certain he was going to hurt me somehow. His head tilted to the side as he curiously watched the droplet of water streak down my face.

"What are you crying for, ah? I'm not hurting you." The rough skin of his thumb brushed away the tear, causing me to gasp frightfully. He casually chuckled, his stomach vibrated against mine, and slid his arm around my waist. Another tear rolled down my cheek as my chin trembled. _Where is Bill? Do I call out to him? What if Tom hurts me for it?_

"Wh-what do you, you w-want?" My voice quivered uncontrollably as Tom's strong arm held me close to his body. I was really starting to panic now, I was already feeling violated; he was invading my personal space, all while wearing a vulgar smirk.

"I want- wait no, I _need_ to borrow… something." He kept his eyes on mine the whole time he talked, intimidating me. Suddenly he inhaled sharply, dropped his arm from around my waist and broke eye contact. "I'll be right back."

A wavering breath flew from my mouth as he walked away from me. I shakily wiped my eyes and took deep breaths. I had to get Bill out here, Tom could still try something. But how could I? Tom was searching through Bill's suitcase, which was less than 10 feet away from the bathroom door. I conceded that there was no way to alert Bill without his twin noticing. And I didn't want to make Tom even angrier.

"Ha, I'm surprised I found some!" The man with black cornrows exclaimed as he straightened up, holding something in his hand. I swallowed nervously. I was still standing dumbly by the door, my hand still gripping the cool steel handle for dear life when he started walking towards me. My eyes shot towards the bathroom door, hoping and praying that Bill would suddenly appear.

"I don't even know why Bill bothers with these," Tom held the packet in front of my face and I gulped, turning red in the face. I knew exactly what it was, and I honestly wasn't surprised that it was in the hands of that pervert. "It's not like he screws any girls anyway."

Chills ran up my spine at his blunt words. I averted my eyes away from his, willing him to just leave.

"Me, on the other hand." He laughed tersely and stared down at me again. His finger hooked under my chin and pulled my head upwards, forcing me to look into his deep brown irises. "You really are an innocent little thing, aren't you? I bet you haven't even kissed a boy!"

I didn't appreciate him forcing his way into the room, practically violating me in the process, and I _certainly_ didn't appreciate having my love life made fun of.

"Please, j-just go." I pleaded at stared at him hard, hoping that it would somehow make him leave.

"Aw, you don't really want me to go." I didn't say a word at his pause, but I kept my stare firm and displeased. "You must be bored here. Why don't you come with me, back to my room? I'm sure Lisa would be up for a thre-"

I stumbled backwards at his suggestion, hitting the wall behind me and cutting him off. Tom chuckled, obviously finding my reaction entertaining.

"Just leave me alone, please." I tried to sound aggressive but it wasn't working; my voice still held a frightened tone.

"Ok then, I'll go." Tom stepped away from me, backing out the door. "But remember, be safe!" He grinned teasingly and flashed the condom packet at me once again. Bile rose in my throat as my stomach churned alarmingly. I slammed the door shut in Tom's cheeky face and locked it, double checking that it really was locked. I didn't want him anywhere near me again.

The pressure behind my eyes burst, tears flooding my vision and flowing down my face. I slid down the wall to the floor and covered my face with my hands, crying pathetically.

**Bill's POV**

"Through the monsoon, just me and you." I finished singing my third song, which means I had been in here for about 10 minutes. I always used my singing to gauge how long I was at doing something, even if it was just in my head. I hummed a random tune as I stepped out of the shower and dried myself. "Crap." I muttered when I realized that I had completely forgotten to get something to sleep in. _All because of Pippa's clothes talking non-fetish._ A smile pulled at my lips as I remembered how embarrassed and angry she had gotten. I know it sounds silly but she really did look cute when she was angry.

I sighed and wrapped the towel around my waist, preparing to go out and get some clothes wearing _just_ the towel. Swinging the door open, I peeked my head out to see where Pippa was. I was extremely confused as to why she was sitting by the door with her head in her hands. It only took me a second to realize that she was crying.

"Pippa, what's wrong? What happened?" I rushed over to her side, gripping the towel tightly. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. Trying to console a person whilst holding onto the only item of material you have on your body is rather difficult. "Tell me what's wrong, Pippa."

All I could get from her was Tom, violated and condom. Needless to say, my mind conjured up disgusting scenarios. What the hell did my brother do to her? She was obviously upset, but she was still wearing the clothes I had lent her. _Unless she dressed herself afterwards. But I was only in the shower for 10 minutes, how could something have happened?_

"Did, did Tom hurt you?" I struggled saying the words. My twin, my other half. How could he possibly do something like that?

Pippa sniffled and wiped at her eyes, shaking her head. "N-n-no." Her voice shook horribly. A feeling of relief flooded my senses as she continued wiping her eyes. "He scared me though."

I tightened my arm around her shoulders, rubbing her arm comfortingly. "I'm sorry."

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><p><strong>Well, I never thought I'd write a 3,00 word chapter that only consisted of Bill's underwear and Tom paying a quick visit… but then again, I could probably talk about Bill's underwear for a long time. *Slaps self* Stop it, you're on Team Tom, Shilo! Ugh, silly Tom and his penchant for baggy pants. Oh how I wish they would just fall down :3<strong>

**Reviews would absolutely make my day and perhaps speed up the progress on chapter 4 ;)**


	4. And Sleep, Just Sleep

**My amazingful reviewers: xXShadow-KissedXx, CaribbeanTrinidadian and lpwriter4life**

**Chapter 4: And Sleep, Just Sleep.**

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><p>"I'm sorry." I mumbled quietly and chanced a look at Bill. My cheeks burnt red as I realized that he was wearing only a towel, his damp shirtless chest pressing against my arm as he hugged me. I could faintly feel his heart beating and it calmed me, even though <em>my<em> heart was racing at his lack of clothing.

"Don't be silly, are you alright?" I nodded and cleared my throat, inching away from his body. "Ok, I'm just going to quickly get dressed, then I'll be back." My head bobbed again as he let go of me and stood up. Furiously flapping my hand in front of my face, I willed the blushing to go away.

Moments later, he was back and sitting me down on the couch. I was thankful that he was wearing a pair of pants and a shirt now, my embarrassment had gone away completely… well except for crying in front of him. Twice. Not that he had known the first time.

"Would you like a glass of water?"

"Yes please." I nodded and, out of habit, checked my phone. It was 2am and there was still no sign of life from Alice. I started to wonder if maybe she was in trouble, then I chuckled at myself. Alice never got in trouble, she just liked to have a good time. The most accurate reason that she hadn't contacted me back was probably because she had either lost her phone, it had gone flat, or she had turned it off.

"There you go," Bill smiled sweetly as he handed me the glass. I smiled back as my thanks and took a sip. "I think it would be best if we talked about this in the morning, once we've had some sleep."

"I agree."

"So…" A silence grew between us as I fiddled with the cup, sipping every now and then. I glanced at Bill and noticed something.

"You look very different without makeup." The corners of his lips rose slightly into a smile.

"Good or bad?"

"Good… I'm not sure, you just look really different. Kind of normaler. Oh gosh that isn't a word um, you look less…"

"Fake?" His pierced eyebrow pulled upwards as he stared at me, a little confused.

"No, no. Less… celebrity." Bill nodded slowly, as though he was just agreeing to what I was saying, not actually understanding it. "I don't know, just forget about it? You look good with and without makeup." This time he nodded firmer, he knew what I meant.

"Ok. You look nice without makeup too."

"Thank you." I couldn't help but blush a little at the compliment. Before anything more could be said, a long yawn escaped Bill's mouth. "You're tired too?"

"Sure am. How about we get some sleep?" I nodded and placed the empty glass on the table. I felt bad for making Bill sleep on the couch but he wouldn't let me talk him out of it.

"Goodnight Pippa." He called across the darkened room.

"Goodnight Bill." I replied and snuggled down into the pillows, letting myself drift away.

_Why am I shaking? It's not that cold. Wait, something's making me shake. Oh my gosh, is it an earthquake?_

My eyes flew open to see that it wasn't an earthquake that was the cause of my shaking, it was Bill. He was leaning down over me with his hands on my shoulders and a concerned facial expression.

"What's going on?" I mumbled as my brain slowly started to function again. Bill's face softened, as well as his grip on my shoulders.

"You were having a nightmare." Almost as if he had pressed a button, the nightmare flooded my brain. Scenes flashed through my mind so fast that I could keep up with one, the dream kept skipping like a scratched DVD.

_The hotel room door was being hit again, the wood straining to hold itself together against the angry thumps. I knew it was Tom, and I knew he wasn't going to be as forgiving this time. _

_I didn't need to look to the bathroom, I could sense that Bill wasn't anywhere near me or the hotel. It was just Tom and I. My eyes stayed glued on the door as it warped with every blow it received. _

_Suddenly, he was in front of me. Staring down at me with an evil flicker in his brown eyes and a playful smirk on his lips. I attempted to move away as his hand hovered towards me, but I couldn't. It was worse than before, I physically couldn't do anything at all. It felt like I was just a shell and the only thing I __**could**__ do was watch the scene unfold before me. _

"_You're not crying this time." His dark, foreboding voice shocked me. His words shocked me even more. But I couldn't do anything to stop him, to push him away. "You will be soon."_

_I was lying on my back on the bed, my languid hands carelessly splayed either side of me, as were my legs. I wanted to scream, I wanted to kick and punch but my body wouldn't allow me. The sound of his jeans being unzipped was abnormally loud and chilling; almost like a warning of what was to come. _

"_Don't worry, I'll be gentle." His face hovered above mine, smirking teasingly. I knew he was going to be anything but gentle. I didn't care, all I wanted was to get away. It didn't matter if he hurt me now, the damage was already done. I was already traumatized. _

"Pippa! Pippa stop!" Bill urged, shaking my shoulders again.

"What?" My voice was distant and distracted, I was still focused on the nightmare. I honestly didn't want to remember the next part but my mind wanted to. In the back of my brain, there was a voice saying that I wanted to know because I was hoping that Bill would save me. I agreed with that voice.

"You were hyperventilating an-and you were screaming!" Bill looked frantic and scared. I inwardly scolded myself for being so dramatic.

"I-I'm sorry." I felt a little silly overall. But I couldn't stop myself having nightmares, even though I wanted to. Bill sighed shortly and closed his eyes for a second.

"It's ok, it's ok." He repeated it as though he was trying to convince himself.

"I really am sorry. I'm not like this at all. I haven't had nightmares since I was little. I guess they were just triggered by…" I stopped talking. It would have been silly to finish that sentence. I could tell that Bill was distressed over it.

"By Tom?" His brown eyes strayed away from me. I inhaled deeply and nodded my head.

"Yes, I think so." He bit his lip and a thoughtful look crossed his face.

"Do you think you'll be able to get back to sleep?" Hope was clear in his dark eyes, he wanted to sleep. I wanted to say yes so bad but the thought of staying awake all night on my own wasn't very welcoming.

"Uh, I don't know." Inhaling slowly, he took his hands from my shoulders and fiddled with the sheet.

"Would it help if I was to sleep next to you?" My eyes widened slightly. "N-not in that way, just next to you. So you know I'm here? To protect you." My heart skipped a beat as a cheesy smile formed on my face. I nodded and turned my head, trying to hide my smile by tucking a stray hair behind my ear.

"I think that would help." I answered quietly, afraid that my voice might crack. I really don't know why I was feeling so weird, it's not like I was in love with Bill. I think his kind offer just made me swoon, not the fact it came from Bill. Anyone could have said that and I would have reacted the same, right?

"Oh good, that couch was getting a bit hard anyway." A soft chuckle emitted from my mouth as I shuffled over a little for Bill. He jumped under the covers and got comfortable. "So… how do you want to do this?" I chewed my bottom lip in thought. I didn't want to seem rude by refusing to get close to him but on the other hand I didn't want to seem clingy or desperate.

"Um, whatever you're comfortable with." I shrugged my shoulders slightly as Bill sighed.

"Honestly, I'm comfortable with anything. Do you want me to hold you?" I could sense the restlessness in his voice. He was probably not in the mood for my shyness right now.

"That would be nice." I wasn't going to lie.

Bill nodded his head and moved a little closer, sliding an arm over my waist. The warmth of his body calmed my nerves and made me feel tired again. I could feel his warm breath on my shoulder as he started to snore quietly. He must have been really tired. I never thought that I would consider snoring cute, especially the way my dad carries on, but when Bill snored it was adorable. The awkwardness of spooning with Bill wore off as my brain slowly shut down again, letting me fall into a dreamless sleep.

_**That afternoon…**_

"Thank you for letting me sleep here, and thank you for helping me." I gave Bill a smile as I stood in the hallway outside his room.

We had woken up around 1pm and talked for an hour about last night and this morning. I had told him exactly what happened with Tom and he had promised to tell him off for me.

"It's the least I could do." He smiled back sweetly. "How long are you in Germany for?"

I inhaled and tipped my head to the side, trying to work out what day it was. My brain was still stuck in San Francisco time."It's Friday today, isn't it?" Bill swiftly nodded his head. "I go back to America tomorrow."

Bill's face dropped. "You can't stay any longer? I'd love to show you around Berlin."

"Oh I really wish I could but it's my brother's birthday Sunday and I promised him I'd be back for it. I'm sorry."

"No, no. It's ok, I understand. Tell him I said happy birthday." I could tell Bill was slightly disappointed and it made me feel nice to think that he actually wanted to spend some time with me.

"Um, how about you show me around today instead? If you're not busy, that is." His lips cracked into a giddy smile that made me smile as well.

"I'd love to!" It was like a firework had been set off inside him, he was suddenly jumpy and vibrant. Even though I had gotten about 13 hours sleep, I was still feeling a little sluggish.

"Ok, well I'll go and get dressed and then we can go. How long will you need to get sorted?" His face suddenly turned serious.

"Well I have to talk to Tom, and then getting ready… give me about an hour and then I'll come and get you from you're room. What's your number?"

"I'm in 223. I guess I'll see you in an hour?"

"You sure will." He flashed me an amazing smile. I had to restrain myself from grinning back at his enthusiasm, settling for a small smile instead.

When I got back to my room I was confronted with a very hungover and apologetic looking Alice.

"Oh my gosh Pippa, I'm _so_ sorry. I got caught up talking to a bands manager and then I got drunk and then I dropped my phone in the toilet and I can't even remember his name and my head feels like… like it's literally going to split in two." _So that's why she wouldn't answer my messages. _I stayed silent and let her rant as I stepped inside our hotel room. "I'm stressing out because I dropped my phone in the _toilet_ and now it doesn't work so I can't ring my boss, I can't ring your publicist to clear up all the rumors, I can't ring-"

"What rumors?" I turned around to face the frantic woman.

"Yeah, the ones of you and what's-his-name. You know, the one you left the party with last night?" My eyes widened. What could they have said about Bill and I?

"Bill?" She nodded and rubbed her forehead. "What are they saying? Is it bad?"

"It's nothing too major. Actually, I think you'll be surprised by some of the comments." My eyebrows surged together in confusion as she sat me down in front of her laptop. A website was open and it had a picture of Bill and I leaving the after party. The corners of my lips tugged upwards as I stared at the photo. They had captured one of me smiling up at Bill as he held my hand. Honestly, if I was a complete stranger and came across this photo, I would probably assume that we were a couple. Of course, the website was enforcing that idea as well.

"Gosh, that photo makes it look like we're together." I said distantly as I eyeballed the photo meticulously.

"Well are you?" My eyes left the picture and glanced at Alice who had her arms crossed.

"No. We just talked a lot at the party and he offered to give me a ride back here. And then when _someone _wouldn't answer their phone, he was kind enough to offer for me to stay the night." The brunette rolled her eyes.

"That's not fair, I dropped it in the toilet!" I just gave her a look. "Anyway, read the comments." I did as I was told and scrolled down the page. Of course there were the expected 'She's such a slut.' and 'Bill is mine!' comments but what surprised me were the amount of people who weren't being nasty.

'Aw they are so cute together!'

'Oh my God, they are holding hands! How cute!'

'Her smile is adorable, so is her dress.'

I just blinked at the screen dumbly for a minute. Were they really complimenting me? Most of them appeared to be Tokio Hotel fans, which shocked me even more. I was fully prepared for a photo of us together to be leaked and I knew I was in for a grilling from their devoted followers, but this was just weird. Of course, I wasn't expecting them all to be horrible people, but I really wasn't expecting the majority of them to be so… supportive.

"We aren't even together." I mumbled as I continued to read. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Alice move her weight from one foot to the other.

"It looks like you got on well with each other, how did it go when you went back to his room?" The tone of her voice suggested that she thought something had happened between us. I peeled my eyes away from the screen and looked at her.

"We talked. While I waited for you to call back." I replied bitterly. Ok, so I was using that as my excuse, even though it really wasn't valid.

"Really? You just _talked_ the whole time?" I took a deep breath and nodded, deciding it would be best to leave out the information about Tom. Knowing Alice, she would try to press charges against him or something radical like that. "Well I guess it would be silly to expect anything else of you."

"Correct."

"Because you're far too responsible for any of that… shenanigans." I gave her a smile and nodded again, standing up from the seat.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and get ready." Alice's eyebrow quirked.

"For?"

"Bill offered to show me around Berlin." I couldn't hide the smug tone in my voice.

"Ahh." She remarked, her head tilting upwards in a half nod. I knew she was skeptical.

"It's just a friendly gesture." I reminded as I removed my earrings and walked towards the bathroom.

"Oh yes, the paparazzi are definitely going to agree with you there." She shot back sarcastically before sitting back down at her computer. I rolled my eyes as I turned on the shower. I knew Alice was right though; they were going to have a field day with this.

"Does this look ok?" I held my arms out and turned slowly in front of Alice. She nodded approvingly at my black wide-leg pants and blue and white polka dot ruffle top. However, her mouth pulled into a frown at my ballet flats.

"After last night, you need all the practice you can get in high heels and a field trip is just the right occasion."

"It's not a field trip Alice," I muttered as I trudged behind her to my suitcase where she proceeded to find a pair of heels for me. "And it's going to kill my feet walking around in… those." She held a pair of black, strappy wedges out for me. The look on my face said everything; I didn't want to wear those _at all_.

"Come on, put them on!" She urged and I took them, kicking my flats off with a sigh. "Plus, they give you extra height. That Bill guy is super tall."

"6'2 to be exact." Her blue eyes widened a little as I carefully slipped the shoes on. I really didn't feel right wearing them and I knew I was going to pay for it later. "Right." I exhaled quickly as I stood up straight and grabbed my jacket and purse.

"Much better." Alice grinned. "Smile properly for once yeah? You look really nice when you show your teeth."

"Alice." I said in a warning tone. She backed off a little. "You are so massaging my feet tonight."

A smile lit up her face as she threw her arms around me. "Have fun with Bill."

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><p><strong>I apologize if this chapter didn't flow very well but, it's 1:12am here and I'm kinda falling asleep so yeah, forgive me?<strong>

**Reviews would be lovely :)**


	5. I'm Confused, So Confused

**Chapter 5: I'm Confused, So Confused**

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><p>I thought it would be best to wait outside the room for Bill, he really didn't need to see in Alice in the state she was in. Vaughn, my bodyguard, was going to come with us today; I wouldn't have been able to go anywhere without him on account of Alice's strong parental instinct. She liked to keep me safe. I was happy to have him with me though, I appreciated the feeling of being protected. The only thing I was worried about was if Bill would mind Vaughn tagging along. He was a nice guy, only in his late 20's. I suppose you could say he was attractive; he had cropped blonde hair, blue eyes and the regulation muscly build. Vaughn was tall too, taller than Bill. A typical appearance for a bodyguard, I know, but he had personality.<p>

While I waited with Vaughn, I decided to walk up and down the hallway, to try and get used to the shoes. They were already feeling uncomfortable but I knew I had to prepare myself for more pain. I just hoped that whatever Bill had planned didn't involve too much walking.

"Are you nervous?" I detected a hint of amusement in Vaughn's voice. A small smile broke onto my face as I shook my head, strands of hair falling out of my ponytail.

"No, it's the shoes. I'm trying to… break them in I suppose." I chuckled wryly at my comparison between high heels and a horse. Vaughn laughed too, in a mocking way though. Like he didn't think the shoes were that bad. _Oh, if only he knew._

"Pippa." I turned to see a smiling Bill striding towards me. His eyes suddenly glanced towards Vaughn.

"This is Vaughn, he's my protector against all things evil." Bill raised an eyebrow as he laughed at my introduction. "Paparazzi. And rabid fans."

"Sure. It's very nice to meet you." Bill shook Vaughn's hand as the blonde man chortled.

Once their hands disconnected, Bill glanced me over. "You're wearing high heels?"

"Yes unfortunately, it wasn't my bright idea though. It was my managers. Apparently, after last night's pathetic display I need to practice."

"Really? She's making you wear high heels?" I nodded my head solemnly as he chuckled. "That's… strange."

"And painful."

"Aw, you'll be alright. I won't make you walk too much." He smiled down at me and threw an arm around my shoulder as we started to walk to the elevator. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Vaughn give him the once over. He reminded me of my older brother when he did that, which was comforting. God knows I missed my family even when I was only away from them for three days. "So I was thinking we could go to Starbucks first, I need some coffee. You alright with that?"

"Sure, sounds good."

"How do you feel about museums?"

"I love them." A smile formed on my face as memories of when I was little came back. My dad had a passion for history.

"Good, because Berlin has five." My eyes shot open wide just as the elevator doors did the same. Bill turned his head to look down at me and grinned cutely. "And of course, we can visit the wall."

I nodded my head eagerly. "That's one thing I promised myself to do, visit the Berlin wall." I smiled at Bill as he moved his arm to hold my hand. Once again, there were no special feelings when he did. That website had got me thinking, if we looked like such a couple, how come there was no chemistry between us? No tingling or fireworks or swooning hearts. Was it silly of me to hope for that? Was it childish for me to wish that Bill was in love with me? My rationale said yes, I was simply being immature about the whole situation. I tried my hardest to hear what my heart was saying but I couldn't figure it out.

I had never been one to follow my heart.

We stayed silent as we went down in the elevator with Vaughn, who kept giving Bill looks. I would catch him every now and then and give him a look of my own. I could see it in his eye, he thought that we liked each other in more than a friend way; just like Alice did. I don't know why it annoyed me that people thought that way. Maybe because I knew we weren't together and, judging by the lack of chemistry, we would probably never be more than friends.

"Ohh," I moaned restlessly, causing both men to look at me. I was completely overanalyzing _everything_. Why did I always have to do this? I could never simply go with the flow, I just _had_ to complicate things.

"Are you ok Pippa?" Vaughn asked as he stared down at me with a concerned face. I nodded and tucked the loose strands of hair behind my ear.

"I just need some caffeine."

I smiled politely at the young girl who gave me my coffee. It was obvious she knew who we were; the way she squealed when we walked into Starbucks and her shaky hands nearly spilling our drinks sort of gave it away. Sometimes I wonder why people go so weird around celebrities. Honestly, there was nothing special about me other than the fact I could sing and pose for a camera. Of course, she wasn't a fan of me though; her eyes were glued on Bill the entire time. I don't think she even gave me a second look, and if she did, it wouldn't have been a pleasant one.

"Danke." Bill said smoothly and smiled. The poor girl nearly fainted on the spot. I bet he had just made her day, if not, her life. I kept quiet as we left and started walking towards the nearest museum. Bill said he wanted to wait until it was dusk to visit the wall. Something about the sun. I couldn't really hear him because a he got cut off by a fan asking for an autograph. We were nearing the museum when we had to stop once again. Another Tokio Hotel fan wanting Bill's autograph. She was speaking in German so I had no idea what she was saying but it wasn't hard to imagine. I was surprised when she looked at me though.

"Du bist Pippa, nicht wahr?" All I caught was my name. I glanced at Bill, wanting to know what she had said. "Kann ich ein Foto mit euch beiden?" _Foto? Photo? Oh gosh._

"Uh, she wants to take a photo with the both of us." Bill said to me and I chewed my lip. I wasn't used to posing for pictures with fans yet, and to make it worse she wasn't even a fan of me. She's probably just going to put it on the internet.

"Ok." I couldn't say no. She would probably punch me if I refused. The dark haired girl gave her camera to Vaughn and moved to stand in between Bill and I. Her arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me close, making me a little nervous. I really appreciate my personal space and right now this absolute stranger was invading it. As if Bill had heard my thoughts, his hand rubbed my shoulder comfortingly. Vaughn counted down and I plastered on my fake smile. It was the same one that I used for all fame related things. The flash went off and the girl left with her autograph and photo, thanking us profusely.

"Are you ok? You looked really freaked out." I faintly smiled at Bill. He was so caring.

"I'm fine. I just have personal space issues. I don't really like strangers touching me."

"Ah," Bill nodded his head as we walked through the doors. "I felt the same when we first started out. It's still a little weird but I think I'm used to it now."

"I'll never get used to it." I smiled up at him frankly. I didn't want to be pitied on, I was just telling the truth. Touchy feely people scare me.

My day with Bill was fantastic, he was the perfect tour guide. We went to so many places that we didn't get time to visit the Berlin wall. I was disappointed to say the least but I didn't let it affect my mood too much. My feet were so amazingly sore, but it was worth it to spend time with Bill; unfortunately the paparazzi decided to follow along as well, snapping pictures here and there. But by the end of the day I felt a whole lot closer to him. Strangely though, in a friend way. Not like I was falling in love with him, which confused me even more. Honestly, I wouldn't even know what love felt like. I had never wasted my time on boys and unfortunately, Tom was right; I had never even kissed a boy.

Almost as if Bill had sensed what I was thinking about, for the second time today, he asked if I had ever had a boyfriend. Usually I would find such a question rude and uncalled-for but Bill just seemed to be showing an interest in my life.

"Uh, no." I suddenly felt shy as Bill gasped.

"What? A beautiful girl like you?" My face burnt red hot as I chuckled.

"It's my own doing. I've always been focused on my music, boys were never a priority for me. Especially not the immature and disrespectful ones that I went to school with." Bill nodded in understanding but stayed silent. I pondered for a minute, why he would be interested in that subject. Could he possibly be attracted to me?

"I'm the same. It's always been music over anything else." His words brought me away from my irrational fantasies. I only just noticed that we were actually inside the hotel now, in front of my door to be exact. "Would it be too much trouble to ask you to join me for dinner?"

My eyebrows jolted upwards at the sudden request. "Uh, no… I mean yes, I would love to have dinner with you."

"Alice could join us as well, if she would like to?" I smiled at Bill's sudden gentlemanly ways. He was very smooth.

"I think she would like that. Will Tom be there?"

"Probably not. He's been confined to his hotel room for the day as punishment for getting so drunk and out of hand last night. My orders. Gustav has been keeping watch over him." I couldn't help but chuckle at Bill's proud smirk.

"Ok then, I guess I'll meet you here in an hour like before?" He nodded his head vigorously, his Mohawk bouncing back and forth comically. "Ok…" I announced awkwardly when he didn't move.

"Oh! I'm going now, aren't I? See you later." I giggled at his blonde moment and waved as he walked away.

I ignored the girlish grilling that Alice gave me when I went inside. She was being a typical girl, wanting to know how everything went and if Bill made any moves on me, to which I replied with a stern glare.

"He invited us for dinner." I wasn't prepared for the high pitched squeal that emitted from my manager, therefore my ear drum nearly burst. "Alice!"

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! This is fantastic!" She jumped up and down in front of me while I stared at her in wonder.

"Why is it so fantastic?" I could sense that there was an underlying reason for all the excitement.

"Because! You-you've finally found someone that you can… share your feelings with." I gave her the 'are you for real' look and she sighed, running her hands through her hair. "I just think that its good you've found someone you can be friends with who is famous. You know, he understands what it's like."

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at her. "Is that how you truly feel?"

"Yes! Yes, it is." She remarked and pulled me into a hug. Alice scared me sometimes, she could be so abrupt. "Now, we have to get you all dressed up!"

A whiney moan came from my throat as she pushed me towards my suitcase. I could tell she was going to go all out. I was probably going to end up looking so fake and silly. But there was no way I could stop her, she was determined and strong willed. So I just decided that it wasn't worth the fight and let her do whatever she wanted with my appearance.

Alice picked out my pale yellow Dolly dress. It was my other choice for the awards show but I decided against it because it was a little too tight around the bust. I was thankful that she had chosen it though, I had a love of vintage clothing and that dress was one of my favorites.

She pinned up my hair, careful not to make it too tight. Thank Goodness she knew what she was doing, I probably wouldn't trust too many other people with dressing me. I didn't like to have my hair down that much, I desperately wanted to cut it shorter but Alice advised me not too. Apparently my long, naturally dark blonde locks were a key part of my whole image; when it came to modeling especially.

By quarter to eight I was ready to go, the same could not be said for Alice though. She hadn't even picked her dress out yet. I sat on the bed, watching her rush around the room crazily. While I had a moment to myself, I decided to try and sort through some of my confusing thoughts.

How exactly was I feeling about Bill? Was it a friend feeling or a love feeling? If it was a friend feeling, was I alright with that? Did I want it to be more? Did I want to be in love with Bill? Did I want Bill to be in love with _me_?

I wasn't sure of the answers… to anything, really. All I knew was that Bill made me feel different. When I saw him I had the urge to smile and he made my skin crawl, in a good way of course. My stomach would tighten slightly as my heart pumped faster. He just made me feel comfortable and carefree.

"Pip, Bill is here." Alice whispered harshly at me before running towards the door. _Bill's here?_ Cue tight stomach, crawling skin and increased heart rate. I was nervous. Frankly, I didn't know why. I was talking to him less than an hour ago, what was there to be nervous about?

I breathed deeply and put on the plain, white pumps that I had worn at the EMAs. My feet screamed at me in pain but I ignored it, standing and walking to the door. My knees felt weak, like they were going to give out at any moment. _Alice is definitely massaging my feet later as punishment. _

As I neared the door, Bill grinned, making me smile shyly. He looked very, very good.

"Wow, you look gorgeous." He complimented, making my face burn bright pink. _Why am I blushing? He's complimented me before._

"Thank you. You look rather handsome yourself." His grin grew even larger. Alice handed me my purse and we left our room, walking with Bill to the elevator. Alice was, of course, asking him questions about Tokio Hotel. It was just her business side coming out. Bill didn't seem to mind though, he was sweet like that. Still, I made sure to reprimand Alice if she got too carried away.

We got a table in the restaurant of the hotel and continued talking after we ordered. I kept quiet, letting Alice and Bill talk to each other. Honestly, I wouldn't have been able to get a word in edge wise even if I tried. I just silently sipped on my wine, listening to them intently. They didn't even stop when the food arrived. I felt a little left out but at the same time I was relieved; conversations were often awkward for me and my mind was in another place right now.

"Oh there you are!" A voice from behind me exclaimed. Chills went up my spine and the hair on the back of my neck stood up.

"Tom, what are you doing here? Gustav is supposed to b-" Bill started but got cut off. My throat went dry and my hands started to quiver as Tom walked closer to our table.

"He fell asleep." Bill sighed and stood up. Alice noticed my change in mood and grabbed my hand under the table, staring at me worryingly.

"Go back upstairs, you're not supposed to be here." You could tell Bill wasn't happy.

"I just want to talk to Pippa." I was thankful that his voice was nothing like last night. It was softer and less gruff. "I want to apologize."

Alice removed her hand from mine and stood up, throwing her napkin onto the table. "_Apologize_? What did you do?" Her blue eyes narrowed dangerously at Tom.

"I-I can't remember much but I think I might have scared her." I delighted in the fact that he was frightened of Alice. You could hear it in his voice.

"Scared her? She was on the floor, bawling her eyes out!" Bill exclaimed loudly, earning glares from the other patrons in the restaurant. I wanted to leave so badly. I couldn't handle the sudden density of the air.

I stood up quickly, a little too quickly, and my head spun for a second. Grabbing my purse, I walked out of the restaurant as fast as I could in the painfully high shoes. The tears started forming in my eyes as I heard Bill and Tom start to argue with each other. I took the stairwell instead of waiting for the elevator;

I'd rather bear the pain of my aching feet than the embarrassment of crying in front of the unknown people in the foyer.

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><p><strong>I'm starting school Tuesday so I probably won't be able to update as often. I promise I'll try to though.<strong>

**Review me please :)**


	6. I'm Lucky I Know, But I Wanna Go Home

**My amazingful reviewers: xXShadow-KissedXx, CaribbeanTrinidadian, lpwriter4life and XxShelbyxKaulitzxX**

**Chapter 6:** **I'm Lucky I Know, But I Wanna Go Home**

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><p>"Why didn't you tell me?"<p>

I shrugged my shoulders and sniffled as another tear ran down my damp cheek. Alice sighed heavily, moving closer to me on the bed and grabbing my hand, rubbing the back in a comforting way.

"I feel so guilty. I mean, I was responsible for you and I just… can you forgive me?"

"Of course I forgive you," I lightly tugged on her hand to emphasis the point. "You aren't completely responsible for me either, I _am_ 19 years old and I'm not exactly the irresponsible type. You know that. What happened with Tom was … a really scary experience but I don't blame you for it."

Alice sighed once again. "Promise me that you won't keep this kind of thing from me again? It's important that I know."

"Ok, I promise. Can we just not talk about this right now though? Tomorrow I'm leaving and I don't want Bill to think I hate him. I need to talk to him."

"Well do you remember what room he's in?" I searched my mind, trying to recall if I had seen the number on his door. Then I remembered the first time I had meet Tom and he had made that disgusting offer. He said his room was next to his brothers, so Bill's room was either 251 or 253.

"I think I can find it." I said simply to Alice before standing up and walking quickly to the door. My feet felt as though they were going to fall off soon but I was determined to talk with Bill. Come to think of it, I must have looked really silly. I was still wearing my dress and makeup, my hair still perched up high, but no shoes.

I stood in front of the black wooden door that had 251 written on it in white, cursive font. I knew it was this one, my body had almost gravitated towards it. Reaching a hand up, I tapped my knuckles on it, creating a hollow sound. A few seconds passed before the door opened, in those seconds I thought it might not have actually been his room. But sure enough, Bill stood in front of me.

"Oh Pippa, I'm so sorry." His thin frame engulfed my own in a warm hug.

"It's ok Bill." I took a deep breath, the faint scent of his cologne making me smile. "I don't want you to think that I was crying because of you, I wasn't. Uh, can we talk in your room?" I suddenly felt uncomfortable at the idea of standing in the hallway, confessing my mind.

"Of course, come in."

_**Saturday, 5am...**_

I was suffering from a major case of déjà vu. Here I was, standing outside Bill's hotel room again, saying goodbye after spending so many un-Godly hours with him. The only difference this time was that I knew I wasn't going to see him again in an hour, I probably wasn't going to see him again for a long time.

"Wow," He exclaimed all of a sudden as he stared down at me. "I never thought that I would have such a connection with someone that I had only spent a couple of days with. You really are a special person, you know. I don't usually trust people that easily but you are far different."

A smile grew on my face. "I'm exactly the same. Trusting people has always been an issue for me but, you're a good person and a great friend Bill, and I do trust you. I just wish we could have spent more time together, talking."

"I know. We could probably sit here all day talking to each other about nothing!" We both laughed because we knew it was the truth. "Pippa," He reached into his pocket for something. "This is my number. I want you to call me when you land safely in America and every day afterwards."

"Every day?" I asked with a humorous smile and took the piece of paper.

"Well, whenever you can. And then there's the stupid time zones so… just call me, ok?"

"Ok, I promise." I gave him a smile, nearly letting my teeth show. "I think I'm going to miss you a lot Bill."

"I'm definitely going to miss _you_ a lot! You're just so… understanding. I mean before I met you I didn't really talk to anyone about the stuff I told you; I only had Tom and the other guys and we all know everything about each other. I guess you're a breath of fresh air." I chuckled as he smiled bashfully.

"Thank you, its very nice of you to say that. Well I guess I better go, my flight is at 9:30 and you know how you always have to get there about three hours before." Bill nodded his head. He was wearing a sad look, like he didn't want me to leave. "Can I have a hug?"

"Aw you're so cute, come here!" His arms pulled my close to him, knocking the wind out of my lungs slightly. He squeezed tightly and held on for nearly a minute. "I didn't think it would be this hard to say goodbye to you." He mumbled into my hair.

"I know how you feel." I finally managed to pry myself from his grip. "Bye Bill."

"Goodbye Pippa, call me when you land."

"And every day afterwards." I chuckled before turning and walking away. My heart dropped slightly as I walked down the hallway. I wanted to glance over my shoulder, to see if he was still there watching me, but I refused to; it would only make me feel even worse.

Why was it so difficult to leave him?

That question spun around my mind the whole time I walked back to my room. Alice had packed her suitcase and was ready to go, talking to someone on the phone. I sighed deeply when I realized that I had less than an hour to get ready. Quickly jumping in the shower, I pondered several reasons why I would miss Bill so much. I was itching to get home, but I also wanted to stay here with him.

Was it just because I was a lonely person? Because I had finally found someone to connect to and I didn't want to let go? Or maybe it was something deeper, something like love?

I couldn't be sure of anything so I pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind, focusing on getting on that plane and home in one piece. _Then I can call Bill._ I groaned, frustrated that he was all I could think about. I decided to finish up in the shower, it was too much of a thinking place for me.

"We have to be there in like, 20 minutes Pip. You might want to hurry it up a bit, yeah?" Alice's voice called through the room. I could tell she was stressed about getting to the airport on time. Inhaling the thick steam one last time, I turned the shower off and got out.

_**Saturday, 9:40am**_

Amazingly I had managed to get myself ready in the short time I had. Even more amazingly, we hadn't missed our flight; Alice was certainly relieved at that. She could get so highly strung sometimes and it was usually over minor details. Not to say that missing your flight is a minor detail, it can be _quite_ the opposite.

"You ok?" I turned my head to face a perplexed Alice. My eyebrows knitted together at her question.

"Of course, why do you ask?"

A laugh escaped her lips. "Because you have a death grip on your phone. Your knuckles are even going white!"

My eyes strayed down to my hand. Alice was right, my phone was being squeezed so tightly that my knuckles were nearly ripping through my skin. I loosened my grip and wriggled my fingers around, ridding them of stiffness. How long had I been gripping my phone? My hand was aching tediously.

"Why were you doing that? Are you waiting for someone to call you?"

"Uh no, no I don't think so." Of course I wasn't going to tell Alice that I was actually counting down the minutes until I could call Bill, that would just commence the teasing. And I certainly didn't need that right now, especially not when _I_ didn't even know how I was feeling about him.

"Right." Vaughn drew the word out in a humorous way, he was sitting on the other side of me. I was basically sandwiched between him and Alice, comfortably though.

"Anyway, I hope you're ready for another… whew, how long are these flights?" Alice turned to Vaughn and me with a perplexed expression again.

"Man, you better start slathering on that anti age cream if you want to keep making faces like that!" My protector next to me cackled evilly while Alice scowled, making her faint wrinkles more prominent.

"9 hours and 5 minutes… approximately. Then our 5 hour and 5 minute stopover in Newark and _then_ our 6 and a half hour flight to San Francisco." I interrupted before they started to bicker. My manager arched an eyebrow at me in awe before nodding. Vaughn had already been sidetracked by a hostess' derriere. _Men._ I rolled my eyes and got comfortable, sorrowfully turning off my phone.

_**Saturday, 9:20 pm PDT…**_

I let out an almighty yawn as I rubbed my eyes sleepily. Vaughn patted my shoulder comfortingly, silently agreeing that he was tired too. Alice was on the phone to a car company or something, I was tuning out due to exhaustion. It was a 20 hour journey all toll and it was extremely draining.

"You tired?" Vaughn questioned as I finished yawning. I turned to him with one eye closed and my mouth halfway shut.

"Yes, Captain Obvious."

"Anytime, Sargent Sarcasm!" Grinning childishly, he saluted me. I rolled my eyes and looked towards the airport exit. There were a few people with cameras there, it looked like there were a few fans as well. A frustrated and lethargic sigh poured from my mouth; I was too tired to try and act all happy and peppy. Maybe I was just tired of being fake all together? My body jumped slightly as I chuckled wryly to myself. Of course I was tired of being fake, I was tired of leading people on and giving them the wrong idea.

But what else could I do? I wanted to be a singer and the fame came with it. I had to deal with it one way or the other, and I wasn't going to let the pressure get to me. There was no way I was turning to alcohol, drugs or self harm; I wasn't that stupid. Those were just temporary solutions that had lifetime consequences.

"Alright, our ride's out there waiting. Let's get moving!" Alice urged as she approached us again. I sighed and grabbed onto Vaughn's outstretched hand, hauling myself into a standing position.

"Do I have to sign stuff?" I asked wearily as she nodded, pulling a pen out of her bag and handing it to me.

"Yes you do and at least look like you're alive." I followed Alice's command and tried to brighten up. A sickening feeling brewed in my stomach as we walked closer and closer to the door.

One small thing I might have failed to mention is that I'm a little bit phobic of crowds. Any more than four people around me and I start to lose my marbles, especially if they are too close.

Unfortunately, the people hovering around the exit didn't respect that. My instinct kicked in as I reached out for Vaughn's large hand. It soon enclosed mine with a tight grip; not like how I was holding onto my phone earlier, but tight enough so that we wouldn't get disconnected in the mass of people. The roar of the group hit my ears hard, I could barely distinguish one question from the other. Pictures and pieces of paper were being shoved at me from every angle as well as cameras and microphones. The flashes from the cameras were so bright it looked more like it was daylight.

I used my teeth to pull the cap off the Sharpie, I was certainly not letting go of Vaughn; he was my anchor right now. I scribbled my signature as neat and as quickly as possible, wearing a fake smile the whole time. Every now and then someone would say congratulations to me and I would just smile a little more than usual, not bothering to say anything. It's not like you would be able to hear my quiet voice in amongst all the commotion anyway.

Eventually I signed my way to the car and clambered in desperately. I had given the Sharpie to one girl at the end of the line, probably making her day. And possibly making Alice annoyed. She would just have to get over it, there was no way she was going to get it back now! Plus, I had dropped the cap long ago so it was pointless keeping it. Alice slid in next to me while Vaughn went to deal with our luggage. I felt a little bad for leaving him out there in a swamp of wailing teenagers and frantic paparazzi but I knew he was alright with it.

"Uh, where's my Sharpie?" My manager gave me a certain look. I chewed my lip innocently and shrugged.

"I lost the lid and one of the girls just… grabbed it right from my hand."

"Again? Jeez Pippa, that's like the seventh one this month!"

"I'm sorry, I can't help it that they're so grabby!" My voice went up a notch in pitch, making me sound like a little girl. I despised it when my voice did that; I sounded so silly. A tiresome sigh slipped out as I closed my eyes momentarily. "I'll buy you some more. I'm just so tired and hungry and… tired."

"I know. 20 hours is a super long time! Even though I think we slept most of the time."

"Mmm, but sleeping on airplanes is very uncomfortable. However, Vaughn _does _make a good pillow." I chuckled sleepily as my eyes got heavier and heavier. Alice nodded as my eyelids finally slipped over my eyes and my head moved to rest on the window. I noted the door open and close and the car start to move but after that all I knew was the back of my eyelids.

"Pippa, we're here." Alice's voice called in my ear, rousing me from my much needed nap. I sucked in a huge breath and opened my eyes, seeing the familiar huge building in front of me. My mouth pulled into a smile at the sight of my home, glowing under the porch light. I noticed that the kitchen light was on; that meant that my mother was still awake, waiting for me. _Maybe everyone else is awake too._ A sudden burst of excitement rippled through my body. I quickly got out of the car and jogged towards the front door, nearly tripping on the stairs.

I think steps really just had it out for me.

Thankfully I got to the door without breaking an ankle and threw it open loudly. I stepped inside, wearing an anxious smile, and glanced around. Suddenly, the face of my mother peered out from the kitchen doorway.

"Mama!" I cried and ran towards her with my arms open. Her expression changed to pure joy.

"Oh my baby! I saw you on the TV, you looked so beautiful! And that big award is so sparkly, do you have it with you? Oh it doesn't matter!" I laughed at her distress. Her thick Greek accent made her frenzied speech even funnier. I heard someone else come shuffling into the room and I let go of my beaming mother, turning to see my younger brother Aaron wearing a tired smile.

"Hey you," I could tell he was half asleep because his hello was slurred slightly and interrupted by a yawn. Giggling, I pulled him into a hug. "I missed you and your shortness."

"Oh be quiet, you aren't much taller. You know, for a 16 year old I thought you'd have had a growth spurt by now." I teased back, causing him to pull a face.

"Well it's my birthday tomorrow so I might wake up being 6 foot tall like Dion."

"We all know that isn't going to happen." Mama interrupted with a disbelieving glance as she picked up her coffee cup. "My boy, you'll never be tall like your brother. But I promise that I still love you, even though you're short."

I laughed while he scowled and moved toward the refrigerator. I turned to Mama and asked, "Is everyone else asleep?"

"Well your father is in bed, as well as your aunt Camille, but that's no surprise; that woman gets tired watching Oprah reruns!" She paused to laugh. "Oliver is fast asleep in bed but I think the others have crashed in the den."

"Yeah, they're all on top of each other. It's priceless; I wanted to take a picture." Aaron added, turning around holding an open milk cartoon and wearing a milk mustache. _That's probably the closest he'll get to facial hair._ Stifling a giggle at my own private joke, I nodded my head and walked towards the den. I heard the front door open again and Alice and Vaughn stumble inside, being greeted by Mama.

Rounding the corner, a surprised laugh escaped my mouth and I had to cover it with my hand to stop more. Aaron was right, this _really_ was priceless. My siblings and cousins were draped over the furniture, sleeping peacefully. My older sister Erica was leaning on my older brother Dion's shoulder, whose mouth was hanging open lifelessly. Gwen, my cousin, was in the most awkward position; her legs dangling over the edge of the sofa and her arm bent at a very uncomfortable angle, head resting on Erica's lap. And then there was Jezebel, my other cousin. She was curled up snugly on the end of the sofa, leaning as far away from Dion as possible. I let out a content sigh and grinned toothily, seeing as no one would notice.

This was what truly made me happy; home and my huge family.

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><p><strong>Well now, Pippa's feelings are a bit confusing aren't they? I hope you aren't getting too lost with her! <strong>

**I know it was probably quite confusing at the end but I'll write more about her big family in the next chapter, hopefully helping you to understand it more. **

**Reviews? :3**


	7. Rejection Never Felt This Good

**Chapter 7:** **Rejection Never Felt This Good**

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><p>I was woken the next morning by noise made by my sister Erica; it sounded like she had dropped something. Groaning, I rolled over and snuggled further into my pillow and blankets. I didn't want to get out of my bed, not yet. The jet lag was still weighing down on me like a dark cloud on a sunny day. Speaking of sunny days, the ray of light piercing the curtains hit my face as soon as I changed sleeping positions. It was almost as if the world was taunting me; keeping me from my beloved sleep.<p>

"Come on lazy bones, you have to get up." Erica's voice invaded my peaceful state and the cushion she lobbed at me automatically triggered a grumpy mood.

"I strongly dislike you at this moment in time." I mumbled, trying to keep my cool.

"And Aaron will strongly dislike you _forever_ if you sleep through his birthday." My eyes flew open and all hopes of sleep were lost.

"Oh gosh, that's right." I sat up in my bed, feeling strangely wide awake now. Erica was leaning on the doorframe with a hairbrush in hand and half of her shoulder length, dark brown hair straightened. Even from across the room I could see the sly glint in her dark blue eyes; she knew I forgot our brother's birthday.

"Ha," She huffed cheekily before turning around and walking further into the bathroom, nearly hiding her smirk from me.

"Don't be like that, I didn't forget. It was a momentary lack of memory caused by severe exhaustion." Erica turned and gave me a look that said 'are you for real?'

"Whatever. Did you get his present?"

"I sure did, because I am a fantastic sister." She sniggered loudly as she picked up the hair straightener and carried on with her hair.

"What did you get him?"

I let out a scoff as I opened the curtains fully, exposing the room and myself to much needed sunlight. "You do know that these walls are thin, don't you Erica? I'm not telling." I could visualize her rolling her eyes at me.

I opened the window and leaned on the windowsill, poking my head outside. I breathed in the salty smell of the ocean, feeling my lungs fill with a pleasant sense. The air was never as fresh or as invigorating anywhere else as it was here. The sight was also never quite the same.

The waves of the crystal blue sea crashed against the luminous sand, emitting the most comforting sound. You know how people would close their eyes and imagine the waves on a beach on an island paradise? When I did the same, I saw this place. Not some tropical destination on the back of a postcard, although the place was suitable enough for it.

Picturesque was the perfect way to describe the area in which our family home was located. The beautiful, secluded beach blended with the rolling hills on the other side of the house; broken by the strikingly fluorescent, golden sunflowers in the paddock between our house and our neighbors land. Our neighbors were an elderly couple who had lived on their farm most of their lives. Their home was perched halfway up on of the hills with a winding dirt road leading to the main road that took us back to the city. I could see Mrs. Briggs bathing one of their two dogs, Ralph. I called out her name and waved my arm high in the air so she could see me. She glanced up from Ralph and a smile broke onto her face as she waved back enthusiastically. I made a mental note to go and visit them later.

"Come on!" Erica exclaimed angrily, dragging my attention back inside the house. I left the window open, letting the fragrance of sea fill the room, and walked to the bathroom.

"What's going on?" I asked timidly as she threw the can of hairspray onto the floor.

"We're out of hairspray." She stated, putting her hand to her forehead. I had to try to keep a straight face. Honestly, I couldn't have cared less about hairspray at the moment and I couldn't quite understand why she was getting so wound up over it either. As far as I could remember, Erica was the tomboy. She never brushed her hair or touched makeup back then and now she was getting upset over hairspray? I wondered what had brought on the sudden change in her persona, but I didn't have time to question her. I heard Aaron run down the hall, banging on the walls and repeatedly yelling that it was his birthday.

Erica and I sighed in unison; today was going to be long and painful.

"I swear, if his ego has gotten any bigger overnight I'm going to have to stab him in the eyeball with a chopstick!" My sister's face was completely serious, which made me giggle. "Ugh, I'm gonna have to wear it up today."

"Hmm?" I questioned as I walked to my open suitcase, taking out my makeup and toiletries bags.

"My hair," She said dejectedly. "I'm going to have to tie it up today." I rolled my eyes at her sudden diva ways. I really don't know what had gotten into her.

"Um, can I take a shower seeing as you won't be needing the bathroom?" She nodded and walked out with her hands in her hair, pulling it into a ponytail. I smiled at her thankfully as I headed in. I noticed that there was a bottle of hair product on the floor next to the empty hairspray can. That must have been what woke me up. I gave the bottle a dirty look before jumping into the shower.

_**Later…**_

I skipped down the stairs, in a decidedly happier mood, and smoothed out my white A-line skirt as well as the purple flower-print top that I had borrowed from Erica. My feet had fully recovered from the abuse over the last couple of days and were now comfortable in a pair of white flats.

The house was relatively calm, except for my idiotic brother running around shirtless and in his Superman boxers, exclaiming to the world that he was a year older today. You'd think by the age of 17 you wouldn't fuss over birthdays as much, but that wasn't the case for Aaron. He was excited as ever and making it known to all of the sleepy people in the kitchen, sitting around the island counter lazily sipping coffee.

I felt excitement build in the pit of my stomach at seeing my whole family again. I had gone straight to bed last night, only saying hello to Erica because we slept in the same room. No one had noticed me standing at the base of the stairs yet; they were all focused on telling Aaron to calm down, so I snuck up behind my father and put my hands over his eyes.

"Guess who?" I asked and felt him smile. I let my hands fall as he turned around and engulfed me in a huge hug.

"Ingrid… my baby girl!"

Yes that's right, Ingrid. It isn't a pet name, it isn't a nickname… it's actually my real first name. My full name is Ingrid Philippa Delilah Fielding. I never thought Ingrid suited me so I just went by Pippa instead; my family even called me by that name for the majority of the time. I wasn't alone though, my parents had a niche for unusual names which resulted in all of us children copping it.

My older brother is Dion Stanford, my sister is Erica Layla Amity and my brother is Aaron Gabriel Jaxson. Thankfully none of the names were too outrageous, just uncommon. My cousins escaped with fairly mainstream names, Gwendolyn Nicole, Jezebel Natalia and Oliver Seth.

"Hi daddy, I missed you a lot!" As I pulled out of the hug, the first thing I thought of was Bill's joke when I first met him and how I had imagined my dad in a leprechaun costume. I stifled my laughter.

"I missed you too sweetheart! Are your feet ok?" I was utterly puzzled at his question. "Your feet, the shoes that you wore to the awards. You nearly tripped over!"

I tried to act annoyed but his laughter was infectious, so much so that the whole room was giggling at me soon enough; Aaron even did an impersonation of me. I couldn't help but laugh.

Once everything died down again, I walked over to Dion and gave him a hug, struggling to fit my short arms around his muscly chest. "Hey there little bear." He grinned at me and I rolled my eyes. No matter how old we got, he would still call me little bear. It used to get on my nerves but I had grown used to it.

"Hi there big bear." I said back and received a dazzling smile. I let go of him and moved to my aunt, kissing her on the cheek. I gave Jezebel and Gwen hugs and ruffled Oliver's hair. Just quietly, he was my favorite cousin. I adored him and his chubby 14 year old self. He was almost a mirror image of Dion; they had the same shaggy dark blonde hair and caring brown eyes. Ollie was like a younger, plumper version.

"Darling are you hungry?" Mama asked me as I said good morning to Alice and Vaughn. I had only just noticed that she had cooked just about everything you could think of for breakfast. I nodded and she handed me a plate as she dished more bacon out. I filled my plate, I was absolutely starved. I don't think I had eaten properly since before we had left Germany. Sitting between Vaughn and Oliver, I proceeded to stuff myself silly.

"Oh my gosh, Mama I missed your cooking so much." I said as I downed the last of my orange juice. She just smiled happily at me.

"Well that's what you get for travelling everywhere, wanting to be a big rock star!" I nearly rolled my eyes at her but settled for a cheeky smile instead.

"Anyway!" Aaron announced loudly, standing up from his place. I noticed that he had spilt ketchup on his bare chest. _At least he hasn't dirtied a shirt._ I thought sarcastically to myself. "I think it's time to open my presents!"

_**Later…**_

The morning passed quickly, all of the excitement about opening presents over within a couple of hours. Vaughn and Alice left, both citing that they had work to do. I was hoping that they could stay but I understood that they had other things to do.

"I'll call you tonight ok? We're going to have to arrange something soon." Alice said as she hugged me outside the front of the house.

"What do you mean 'something'?"

"Probably a television interview and a video thanking your fans. I'll call you tonight though and we can work stuff out, ok?" I nodded my head and smiled as she waved and got into the taxi. I waved to Vaughn and her as they drove off and slowly made my way inside, letting reality sink in. It was then that I remembered something important.

I rushed inside and upstairs to mine and Erica's room, retrieving my mobile phone from my hand bag.

"Bill, Bill, Bill…" I muttered as I searched through my contacts. I found his name and called, hoping that he wouldn't be mad at me for forgetting.

"_Hallo?"_

"Bill? I-it's Pippa."

"_Pippa! I was worried about you! Are you alright?"_

"I'm so sorry Bill, but I was so tired and I fell asleep in the car. I'm so sorry, I should have messaged you or something!"

"_No, it's alright. I just got worried, that's all. How have you been? Oh say happy birthday to your brother for me."_

We continued to talk to each other for nearly two hours, never having to sit through an awkward silence. The only reason we ended the call so soon was because Bill needed to sleep, he had an interview tomorrow. If he hadn't of had to go, we could have talked for hours more. Conversation was so easy with him, even across the world.

"Hey, who was that?" Jezebel asked coolly as she leaned on the doorway. I dropped my phone on the bed, suddenly feeling a little alone.

"Uh a friend." She lifted her head once in a nod.

"Well um, everyone's going swimming and I came to ask if you wanted to come along?"

I mulled it over in my head for a minute. "Uh, ok. I'll be down in a second."

"Ok." She said simply, turning and walking away. That girl was still a mystery to me. She was currently suffering from depression because of her parents' divorce. I had tried time and time again to talk to her and get her to tell me how she was feeling but she never let anything slip. Admittedly so, I was no psychologist but I thought that I might be able to get her to share something with me. She was determined to carry on with her depression though, she had been through several psychiatrists and God knows what else, but nothing ever changed. I honestly think she had given up hope for herself.

I let out a strained sigh, jet lag was still plaguing me. I hauled myself off my bed and changed into my bikini, deciding try and have as much fun as I could today. I had a feeling that tomorrow wasn't going to be a relaxed day.

Slowly, I made my way downstairs wearing a towel over my plain white bikini. I saw Aaron making out with his girlfriend Tracey near the front door. I had to hold my breakfast as my stomach flopped.

"Uh Aaron," I said sternly. He detached himself from Tracey and rolled his chestnut eyes at me. "I know it's your birthday but perhaps that… activity would be better suited as something private?"

"Yes, mother!" He saluted me, grabbing Tracey's hand and leading her out the back of the house, to the beach. I followed a few steps behind, giving them their space. To be frank, it surprised me that they were still together. As far as I knew, she wasn't exactly loyal to my brother and for that I felt strong animosity towards her. No actually, I hated her and I wished he would cut ties with her altogether.

"Pip, come 'ere." Dion called out to me from the sand. I left Aaron and Tracey and walked over to where everyone was sitting on towels on the sand. I unwrapped mine from my body and laid it out, sitting down next to my older brother. "I see she's still hanging around like a bad smell."

"Dion," I warned. Just because I hated her didn't mean I was going to insult her, and I knew that's exactly where my brother was going with his train of thought.

"I'm just saying, I don't see what he sees in her. She was off… cavorting with other guys and they were still together. If I was Aaron, I would have dumped her sorry ass as soon as I found out."

"Dion c'mon, don't be like that. Maybe… she's actually a nice person?" The look he gave me said it all. "Ok, well maybe she has family troubles or something? You know, she might not be as evil as you think she is."

"Whatever, all I know is that I don't trust her one bit. I've heard rumors about her you know, and how her brother deals." He said the last bit quietly. I was starting to get annoyed with him.

"Just because her brother has an unconventional lifestyle, it doesn't mean that she's a bad person. In fact, that might be the source of her problems." I inhaled deeply. "Look, it's not really any of our business and it's his birthday so why don't we just change the subject?"

"Alright then," I was pleased that he dropped the subject so easily. He could become difficult sometimes. "So… who's that guy you were hanging out with in Germany?"

My jaw dropped. Now he was going to scrutinize my relationships? _Me in a relationship with Bill? Ha, I wish._ "Um, who?"

He laughed scornfully; he knew I was playing stupid. "That Bill guy, the one with the weird hair."

"His hair isn't weird." I mumbled quietly and looked down at the sand, practically admitting defeat.

"Knew it!" He sang at me, even going as far as to point a finger at me in a teasing way.

"Di, please don't be like this." His manner changed at my quiet, reserved words.

"What's up? Did he do something?" I shook my head no. "Well then why are you so… touchy about him? Oh! Wait a minute, _you_ secretly like him but _he_ just wants to be friends. That's it, isn't it?"

Tears sprung to my eyes, stinging them painfully. I kept my head down as I stood up and walked away from Dion, back into the house. I got myself a glass of water and drank it, trying to cool my emotions.

I don't know why I had become so defensive about Bill. It shocked me at how angry and sad I got when Dion tried to evaluate our relationship.

_Ugh, stop saying relationship! It's a friendship!_

I slammed the glass down onto the table, not quite hard enough for it to break but hard enough to make a piercingly loud noise. Taking deep, calming breathes, I leaned on the counter. Thoughts raced around my head, making feel a little dizzy. I started to question myself in a private little conversation located in a dark corner of my brain.

_Is Dion right? Do I love Bill? I don't know; I feel strongly towards him but that's hardly love. Maybe… maybe I do love him. Maybe I'm just scared. Scared of what though? _

"Rejection." As soon as the word slipped from my mouth, the overwhelming thoughts stopped racing around my mind, leaving just one to linger menacingly.

_I am afraid of being rejected by Bill._

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><p><strong>Well now, did you like the chapter? There was quite a lot of new stuff in this one, a few things that you might need reminding of lol<strong>

**Let's kind of recap what's happened in this chapter:**

**-Pippa's sister Erica has changed. [Keep it in mind ;)]**

**-She goes by Pippa; not Ingrid.**

**-Bill and Pippa both have interviews tomorrow. [Don't go thinking that they'll be interviewed in the same place lol that's a bit unrealistic]**

**-Her brother Aaron's girlfriend seems to be a bit of trouble.**

**-And finally, Pippa has sorted out the root of her 'Bill problems' [ Yay! :D] **

**Leave me a review of what you think is going down? You never know, I might steal one of your ideas [of course I would credit you for it though ;)]**


	8. In Time We'll Find This Was No Surprise

**Chapter 8:** **In Time We'll Find This Was No Surprise**

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><p>"Hey are you alright?" Erica asked as she rested her hand on my shoulder, making me flinch out of shock.<p>

"Yes… yes, I'm fine." The tone of my voice was giving everything away, it shook nearly as much as my hand did. I made a fist in an attempt to stop the jolting. "I just um, thought of something I need to do."

"Ok, do you need anything? Do you want to talk?" I turned around slowly, scared that she would see the look on my face and force me to tell her my feelings.

"No thank you. I just need to um, do something…" I let the end of the botched sentence fade as I quickly went upstairs, escaping before she could say anything in reply. When I got to our room, I walked over to my wardrobe and picked out the first dress I saw that looked suitable. It turned out to be a tribal printed maxi dress. Not exactly what I was hoping for but I pulled it on with a shrug.

Ignoring shoes, I raced downstairs again and straight out the front door. I noticed that Erica was no longer in the kitchen. I breathed a sigh of relief at that, she would definitely interrogate me if she _was_ still there.

The door made no noise as I threw it open, walking back out into the sunlight. I welcomed the warmth and light as I started to walk towards the field of sunflowers. Any time I needed to think and clear my mind, I would spend an hour or two in amongst the golden plants.

I had come to the spot where I always cleared my mind, so I lay down on the ground with my eyes closed. As I opened my eyes, I was overcome with a sense of peace and solitude; perfect for sorting my thoughts out. I felt the tepid earth below me, attaching itself to my body and hair. I reached behind my head and pulled the tie out of my hair, letting it fall into the soil.

Above me, the sky shone with a shade of blue that you simply couldn't describe. The sunflowers leaned over my body, almost in a caring manner; looking down at me to see if I was alright.

In my opinion, this was the most peaceful place on Earth.

_**Later…**_

**Third Person POV**

"Gwen, go and find Pippa please. Tell her that lunch is ready." Pippa's mother urged her niece off the wicker sofa slightly but she didn't budge from her position.

"I'm… busy, Aunt Josephine." She replied in a distant voice as her Royal blue shaded eyes stayed firmly glued to the magazine in her manicured hands. Josephine let out a loud sigh, making it known that she wasn't happy with her nieces answer.

"Just like your mother, you are." She muttered before turning to look at Oliver, who was busying himself with his skateboard. "Ollie? Could you please go and fetch your cousin?"

"Sure Aunt Josie." He shot back with a charming smile. His aunt rolled her eyes at the nickname he insisted on using on her. Oliver stood up, leaving his skateboard behind, and walked towards the front door.

"She's probably out in that darn field again, check there first." Josephine called out to Oliver from the kitchen.

**Pippa's POV**

Slowly but surely, I was sorting through my thoughts one at a time. I made sure that I was certain about one thought before moving onto the other. Unfortunately, my next question was if I was in love with Bill. I had been dreading this question, shoving it to the back of my mind. Frankly, I didn't know how I was going to figure it out. I mean, it wasn't like I automatically knew exactly how I felt. And then there was the fact that we were talking about love; something I had never experienced before. I didn't know if what I was feeling towards Bill was love or just a strong type of friendship. And I had a nagging feeling that I wouldn't find out if I didn't spend some more time with him.

_That's a little bit unrealistic, he's across the other side of the world._ _Ok stop. Pippa, stop thinking sarcastically, it's not getting you anywhere. Bill… Bill…_

I waited for something to jump out at me; a sign of sorts. It was silly to think that I was going to receive my answer merely by thinking of his name but I was at a loss. What else could I do?

_Hmm, what comes to mind when you think of Bill? His happy personality, his smile, his caring brown eyes, talking, hugging, hair, comfort, height, his beautiful voice… Nothing close to love there, huh? Try again. _

It was like my brain had two people inside, myself and a psychiatrist.

_Alright… Bill… Germany, awards, music, hotel rooms. Ugh this isn't working! How does he make me __**feel**__? Ok, this should work better… happy, carefree, contented, lively, cheerful, inspired, warm… real. Yes, he makes me feel real!_

"Pippa?" A soft, far away voice called my name. _Oliver?_ I sat up and tried to look through the mass of stems to find him, but I couldn't see anything. Sighing, I stood up. Oliver was making his way through the sunflowers slowly, calling out my name. A curt sigh escaped my mouth. I was disappointed at being interrupted, it felt like I was getting close to finding out how I was feeling about Bill.

"I'm over here." I called back, making him jump with fright and land hard on the ground. I rushed over to wear he was, swatting the flowers out of my way. "Oh gosh, Ollie are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm ok." I grabbed his hands and pulled him up onto his feet, helping him to dirt off his clothes. "You just scared me a bit. Uh, aunt Josie wants you back in the house for lunch."

"Ok, come on then." We began to walk back to the house side by side, Oliver being suspiciously quiet.

"So… what were you doing out there?" I glanced his direction to see him staring up at me inquisitively. I let go of a short breath and shrugged my shoulders.

"Thinking."

"About?" He urged. Oliver took after Dion more than appearance wise; he could get nosy like my brother as well.

"You've been around Dion too much." I shot back, smirking a little as I crossed my arms. He didn't say anything in reply but he kept that curious glimmer in his brown eyes, wanting to know more. I expelled another sigh as we stepped onto the dirt driveway that led up to the front porch. "Just my work, don't you worry."

I used my career as the ultimate excuse for my bad moods. If they wouldn't believe that I had a headache, was tired or a little under the weather, I broke out the 'work is getting to me' line. I know it wasn't right to lie to the people that cared about me but sometimes it honestly felt like they wouldn't understand what I was going through. They couldn't sympathize with me properly because they had no idea what it was like.

As soon as we stepped inside the house, we were bombarded with questions from my mother. "Were you out in that field again? Was she in that field again, Oliver?" Mama's eyebrows pulled down in an unpleased gesture as she came towards us with a tea towel in hand.

"Yes I was, Mama." I answered timidly. No matter if I was 9 or 19, I would still shy away when my mother reprimanded me. My submissiveness made me feel like a child at times but I couldn't help it; I would never be able to stand up to someone.

A long sigh poured from her mouth. "You shouldn't be out there, just lying in the dirt! There are all kinds of bugs out there. You have got soil all through your hair, now go and wash it out and get changed."

I stopped myself from rolling my eyes at her overprotectiveness. "Yes Mama." My voice was almost robotic. She nodded her head in a way that told me to go, so I left. As I walked up the stairs I attempted to get back to that place in my mind that I disappeared to in the field, but it didn't work. I don't care how silly it sounds; that place was special.

"Hey," I mumbled quietly to Erica, who was lying on her bed reading a novel, as I entered the room. She looked up from her book, examining me with narrowed eyes and a tightlipped mouth. "Mama wants me to change out of my dirty clothes."

"Oh." My sister replied. I knew that she knew I was troubled by something else and I could feel an inquiry into my private thoughts coming on. She had already placed the bookmark in her novel and set it down on the bed.

"I would rather not talk about it." My reply threw her off; she wasn't expecting me to read her mind. I could always read my sister, I hate to say it but she was getting to be a very predictable person. _She really has started to change a lot._

"Ok, but when you do-"

"I'll come and find you." I turned around with my previous outfit in hand and smiled knowingly. Once again she was baffled but she regained her composure soon enough and sent me a caring smile. "I just… I'm feeling very confused at the moment and I need some time to think."

**Bill's POV**

I checked my hair one last time in the mirror, tweaking a few strands that were drooping. Sighing, I told myself to get over it; a couple of strands of unruly hair were not going to hurt me. Of course, the perfectionist inside argued back that I look untidy and careless.

"Bill come on," David urged, patting his hand on my shoulder. "You look fine, let's go."

I felt like telling him that he wouldn't know if I looked good or not; he'd probably say the same thing if I was standing there in my underwear. I was fully aware that it was not a reassuring compliment, it was just his unsubtle way of telling me to get myself out the door. All of that being said, I still followed his order and marched out the door, positively cranky at my hair.

The cold November winds made my hands automatically pull my jacket closer to my body in search of more warmth. It was 3pm and there was no sign of sunshine through the thick clouds, dulling my mood more. I was a little bit down and out at Pippa's departure but the main reason behind my disgruntled vibe was Tom. I couldn't believe how bad he had acted the last few days. In the matter of 48 hours he had managed to severely traumatize a 19 year old girl who I was trying my hardest to make friends with. I was ashamed of him and his behavior.

It was obvious that I wasn't happy when I climbed into the awaiting vehicle and sighed grumpily. To make matters worse, I was situated next to my twin brother in the car. I took note of the fact that he was still sulking to himself after having had a serious talking to from Alice, David and myself. His head was positioned away from me, his eyes staring out into the city thoughtfully. I was thankful for one thing, he had stopped trying to make excuses.

The drive to the television studio was ridiculously long, hampered by traffic and the lack of conversation. Everyone in the car seemed to be in a bad mood; even Georg. He was always the one to start conversing and laughing in an awkward situation but he kept to himself, silently texting on his phone. You could almost feel the tension radiating between Tom and myself, I certainly felt it. Every so often one of us would sigh or grumble something beneath our breaths but neither one would take notice.

"Right, time to look happy guys." David instructed as the car parked around the back of the building. Resisting the urge to roll my eyes, I opened the door and stepped out into the crisp air. It was nothing like the stuffy, thick air inside the car that I had breathed for the last half an hour. I followed David into the building, smiling absentmindedly at the staff we passed. A man walked towards us wearing a grin. His happiness was aggravating me already.

"Hi guys, it's wonderful to have you here. If you would just like to go down that hallway there and into the room that has your name on it, we should be ready for you in about half an hour. The hair and makeup team are already in there," My mood lifted at the talk of hair, I needed to get mine fixed right away. "I will be back soon to go over the questions with you, alright?"

I left the others in search of the room, I need hairspray and I needed it now. Finally coming to the standard white door with a piece of paper taped to the door reading 'Tokio Hotel' in bold, black letters. I turned the handle and walked in, smiling in relief as the two ladies turned around with hair products in hand. My smile grew ass I caught sight of their hairspray cans.

"Come in, would you like to get started?" One of the ladies questioned with a friendly grin. I nodded eagerly as I practically skipped with joy to the chair and plopped myself down. "What shall we start with, hair or makeup?"

"Hair!" I blurted out loudly, nearly making the other woman drop her compact of foundation. I noticed the other guys walk through the door, Georg rolling his eyes as he caught my eye in the mirror. "Lots of hairspray, please."

**Pippa's POV**

I sighed curtly as I sat slumped in the small plane next to Alice, who was pulling a piece of paper out of her folder.

"Ok, you are being interviewed by MTV today." She instructed as I frowned slightly. I was right, today wasn't going to be very relaxing.

Thank goodness I had gone to bed early last night, because my live interview with MTV was scheduled for 7am. It was 3am now and we were sitting in the plane as it journeyed from San Francisco to the MTV Networks in Santa Monica. Driving would take too long and according to Alice, the interview couldn't be rescheduled to a later date. The latter piece of information made me suspicious of her actions but I shrugged it off, I was far too tired to inquire. Furthermore, I was _not_ in a good mood right now. Flying at 3am on about six hours of sleep while _still_ recovering from a previous flight's jet lag would put anyone in a foul disposition. And that it certainly did for me.

We were 10 minutes into the hour and a half flight and my eyelids were already falling over my eyes.

"Pippa!" Alice cried and my eyes shot open. "You need to pay attention. Now, are there any questions that you don't want to be asked?"

My tiredness kept dragging me away from consciousness, into the welcoming pit of darkness that was sleep. My body and my brain needed it so much right now and I was being robbed of it by Alice. I was feeling a little out of sorts, almost in a drunk state of mind which caused my mouth to say things that my brain didn't command it to. Therefore, what I said next turned my day from awful to absolutely dreadful.

"No, let them ask whatever, just _let me sleep_!"

**Bill's POV**

"Is there any topic that you do not wish to discuss?" The man from before, whose name I learned was Alexander, asked politely as he read from a clipboard.

"I don't think so. Boys? Anything you don't want to be asked?" David turned to us with his eyebrows raised.

"I don't want to be asked about my sexuality!" I called holding an arm in the air as one of the women fixed up my eyeliner. Georg, Gustav and David chuckled as Alexander scribbled it down quickly on the sheet. I would have rolled my eyes if I wasn't in such a position where I could end up poking my eye out because of it.

"No personal questions then." Alexander mumbled to himself before looking up. "Well then, I think that is all. We should be ready for you in 10 or so minutes for the main interview and then of cou-"

Jost cut the man off, ushering him outside the room. I looked around at the others and they seemed confused as well. Why did David cut him off like that? What was going on?

David came back in and came over to me, leaning down to whisper in my ear. "I've organized a surprise for you. I can't tell you the details but let's just say, it's extremely important."

And with that said, he motioned for all of us to leave the room. "Show time!"

**Pippa's POV**

"My goodness!" A lady shrieked as Alice and I walked into one of the backstage rooms to get ready. Her loud, pitchy voice roughly awakened me completely from my drowsy state. "Look at you! Have you not been sleeping at _all_?"

"Uh, I guess not." I mumbled my reply as she pushed me into the seat and started to cover my face in foundation and other cakey substances; apparently it was supposed to make me look good but it felt so gross. I had never been a fan of makeup.

After 20 minutes of hair and facial abuse, she declared that her work was done and I glanced in the mirror. I looked so… fake. My eyes darted to Alice, who smiled. Oh she knew I didn't like it, she was smiling because she knew it was torture for me.

"That's… lovely. Thank you." I smiled a little at the lady who squealed and packed up her things before hastily exiting the room. "Wow."

"I uh, I have a surprise for you." I spun the chair in Alice's direction as she spoke. My eyes narrowed at her, the fake eyelashes forming a messy jail cell look.

"What kind of surprise?" She chewed her lip for a moment, enjoying the fact that she knew something I didn't.

"Well... I'm not going to give it away but I'm just going to say that it is going to severely help your career and that you _must_ go along with it."

My eyebrows surged together in a show of confusion. Before I could ask for more information, one of the staff poked their head in and said that I needed to get out there. I stood and walked to the door, shooting Alice a warning glare before I left. _Whatever she has planned, it doesn't feel like a good thing._

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><p><strong>Oooh what do you think the surprise is huh? <strong>

**I'd love it if you left me a review :3**


	9. If You Asked Me If I Love Him, I'd Lie

**Chapter 9: If You Asked Me If I Love Him, I'd Lie**

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><p><strong>Pippa's POV<strong>

I had managed to answer most of the questions I was asked with properly constructed sentences, the whole time worrying about the 'surprise' that Alice had in store for me. Then the inevitable happened; I was asked about Bill.

"Ok, I have to ask you about this picture that was recently taken at the VMA's." Susan, the woman who I was being interviewed by, held up a magazine. I quickly scanned the article and felt my cheeks start to burn. _'Is there love in the Berlin air for one member of Germany's hottest band?' _was all I caught of the article. The rest of the writing was printed in font that was too small to see from such a distance and I was being filmed, I couldn't move closer.

"Oh." I muttered quietly, tearing my eyes away from magazine that I so desperately wanted to read.

"So can you tell us about yourself and Bill? I know there are a lot of female fans out there right now that are itching to know the answer."

_Oh gosh, the fans!_

My eyes bulged a little as she spoke; I hadn't put much thought into Tokio Hotel's fanbase, predominantly female. I realized that whatever I said now would ultimately determine my fate.

"Um well, we talked quite a bit and uh, we are quite good friends I would say."

"So there's nothing romantic between you two?" Susan's voice held a teasing intonation.

_Good Lord, I wish! _

_Ugh shut up brain._

"Uh no-no, we're just good friends." I tried to chuckle reassuringly at the end but boy, the nervousness of my voice gave it away.

"Are you sure?" She laughed, noticing my failed attempt at brushing it off.

I blinked a few times, trying to comprehend how she could find this funny. "I'm sure." I noticed that my voice was very stern, so I smiled a little at the end of the short sentence.

"Well we, along with MTV Germany, have uh… come up with a little surprise for you."

My eyes bulged again, this time at the smirk Susan wore.

_Surprise, oh my gosh, the surprise._

She motioned to a television screen situated above the camera that was filming and I followed her outstretched hand, my stomach flopping dangerously at what I saw.

Bill's confused, shocked and scared face stared at me as I gulped nervously and my face drained of color.

_What on Earth is going on?_

"We have your 'good friend' Bill Kaulitz live from Berlin right now to help clear up some of the rumors concerning the both of you." Susan paused for a moment before redirecting her focus to him. "So Bill, you have just done an interview with MTV Germany, correct?"

He reached up and fiddled with his earpiece for a second. "Uh yes, I just finished."

"Ok, and in that interview did they pose the question of your… friendship?"

"Yes, I _was_ asked about my friendship with Pippa but uh, I was kind of expecting it you know. I mean, of course people are going to ask questions and I am happy to answer them. I don't like to keep things from my fans." He gave a smile, causing Susan to dip her head in what seemed to be bashfulness.

Did she honestly think he was flirting with her?

"I know that you have already answered that question fully then but for our records, there are no romantic feelings between you two at all?"

I was starting to get aggravated. Who would think of something so idiotic and ridiculous? Susan was getting on my nerves as well, her tone of voice when she asked a question was rude and teasing. My temper was decaying rapidly, my patience wearing alarmingly thin. I was never one to lose my temper but I was getting frighteningly irked with this situation. I was feeling embarrassed, shocked, confused, horrified and betrayed. Had Bill known about this? And Alice, oh Alice!

_I could murder her right now!_

If this was her surprise, she was certainly going to be receiving a very gruesome piece of my mind later. If she had planned this… interrogation, I was positive that I would lose control of my temper with her.

"No we are just friends," Bill assuring voice triggered something inside of me.

_Just friends. Just… friends._

Now I was feeling something else as well. Sadness. The emotion puzzled me; I hadn't been expecting Bill to say that we were _together_, because we weren't, so why did it hurt when he said we were just friends?

_Stupid brain, stop overanalyzing! _

"We didn't really get the chance to spend too much time together talking so that kind of factored in, but we _did_ connect very well. I-I am very surprised at how easily we get along with each other."

"Do you think that, if you spend more time together, you would possibly become a couple?" Susan questioned Bill further, her thin lips pulled into a faint smirk. I was _so_ close to getting up and walking away but I stayed only to hear Bill's voice.

Chuckling softly, Bill shook his head and fidgeted with his earpiece again. "Uh, I don't know. I don't really think so, I mean we are-we are just good friends."

The light pink color tingeing his cheeks didn't go unnoticed by Susan or myself. While the interviewer laughed and brushed off Bill's answer, I stared hard at his figure in the television screen. Why did he blush? Once again my brain started to scrutinize his every movement, every expression and the tone of his voice.

For the rest of the interview, in which I was only asked two more questions, I kept a fake smile painted on my mouth. While I appeared calm and unaffected to the naked eye, inside I was nearly having a mental breakdown. My brain was literally going into overdrive as I watched Bill respond to the monotonous questions that Susan spilled. All of his answers we're… diplomatic. He would mostly sidestep it if it concerned him and I. Of course I picked up on every little twitch, every awkward smile, every shy blush, every change in pitch and every nervous lip lick. Like I said, my brain was in overdrive.

My blood was still boiling with anger as I faked a friendly goodbye to Susan and made my way backstage, hunting for my manager. As I stepped into the backstage room that I had been cosmetically abused in not long ago, Alice stood from her seat and held a hand up in my direction.

"Don't be too angry, please." She said in a gentle voice as she stepped closer to me tentatively. "There _is_ a reason."

"I don't even want to know Alice." My voice wavered as I shook my head at her. "You have _no_ idea how difficult-how _embarrassing_ that was. Not to mention how deceived I feel right now, how could you _possibly_ think that that was a smart thing to do? _How_?"

A look of guilt washed over her features as she let her hand drop to her side and emitted a sigh. "I'm sorry that you feel that way. I really didn't want you to feel embarrassed or hurt."

"Well I do." My voice had gone soft and quiet, indicating that I was getting emotional. "I'm going to call Bill and ask him about this. Could you please leave me alone for a moment?"

Alice's face faded to disappointment and remorse as she gave a slight nod before passing me and stepping outside the room. I walked over to my handbag and withdrew my mobile phone, hugging it to my chest. I started to pace back and forth, firmly blinking my eyes to clear away the pressure. I was almost scared to call Bill; afraid that he had been a part of the whole thing. Eventually, I calmed my emotions enough to call Bill's phone. I chewed my lip anxiously as I waited for him to pick up.

"_Uh, hallo?"_ I recognized the thick German accent instantly, except it was different; deeper and gruffer. Tom.

Tingles crawled up my spine as my mouth fell open slightly and my breath got stuck in my throat. My mouth ran dry, my tongue feeling like it weighed more than myself.

"_Hallo? Wer ist das?" _Tom's impatient voice rang through my mind, making me blink furiously as I tried to format a response.

"Uh-um, is Bi-is Bill there?"

"_Amerikaner, ah? Who are you?"_ His demanding voice made me wither pathetically, my arm hugging my waist in some form of protection. My mouth expanded and contracted dumbly as I tried to spit out my name.

"P-Pippa." The line fell silent for a moment, in which time I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. I looked genuinely scared beneath all the makeup.

"_Oh. Bill's not back here yet, he's finishing up… something."_

I lightly cleared my throat and started to pace again slowly. "Oh," I echoed, my voice noticeably quiet. "Could you, could you get him to call me back please?"

"_Pippa," _I could detect a deflation in his voice as he sighed. _"I-I want to apologize to you-"_

"Um, I need to go. Can you please just tell Bill to call me back?" My voice shook dangerously as I found the courage to cut him off from his sentence. I couldn't bear to hear his voice anymore so I hung up. My eyes pricked with tears as I took deep breaths and continued to pace, my phone cradled in my feeble hand.

_Don't you dare cry, don't you __**dare**__ cry!_

It was only a couple of minutes until I felt my phone vibrate in my weak hand, making me drop it on the floor. I quickly bent down and scooped it off the crème carpet, answering swiftly.

"Bill?"

"_Pippa? Oh gosh are you ok?"_ I felt the tears immediately brim at my eyes again and I held my cool hand up to my face, fanning myself fiercely.

"Um, not really. No-no I'm not ok." My voice cracked a little and I swallowed, trying to get rid of the tightness in my throat. "D-did you know about… that? Did you know it was going to happen?"

"_I swear I knew __**nothing**__ about it. I didn't know anything until they actually sat me in front of the camera and explained what was going on. Did __**you**__ know it was going to happen?"_

"No!" I cried out as I wiped at my eyes. "Stupid Alice." I muttered as I sat down abruptly.

"_Alice? Did she… wait-hang on a moment."_ I heard the crackle of him cover the phone before his voice faintly talked to someone else in German. The dialogue sounded bitter and infuriated. _"Pippa? I…"_ He paused to sigh dismally. I could tell he was about to tell me something important.

"What is it Bill?"

"_I-I just talked to David, our manager and… well I think you need to talk to Alice."_

"What? Wh-what do you mean? What did David say? An-and why do I have to talk to Alice? Whatever you know, tell me now." I was hardly one to demand information from someone but I was frustrated that everyone seemed to be aware of the situation apart from me. I hated being left out of the loop; especially on something like that.

"_I don't think I should be the one to tell you. Just, please talk to Alice and let her explain. Trust me, I didn't know this was going to happen."_

My mouth hung agape as my eyebrows furrowed together. What on Earth was going on behind my back?

"Fine then. If you won't tell me I _will_ go and ask Alice, at least she'll give me answers." I replied bitterly. I was hurt that Bill would keep something from me too. As if it wasn't bad enough that my manager was deceiving me; now my friend was too.

"_Pippa please don't be mad at me,"_ Bill's voice was filled with sadness and I felt guilty for losing my temper with him. _"I just think it would be better if you heard it from her, not me. Call me back after you talk, ok?"_

"Ok." I muttered timidly before hanging up and sighing disheartened.

If Bill was making such a fuss over this, it must be something important. I stood with ambition, putting my phone back in my handbag and making my way out into the hallway, searching for Alice. I needed answers.

Eventually I located her, standing with a staff member, talking casually. The fact that she was so calm whilst hiding something infuriated me. Inhaling tensely, I walked up to where she was standing and tapped her lightly on the shoulder.

"Ye-" She cut off her callous remark as she turned and saw me, looking rather displeased. "Oh. I'm sorry Rachel, but I need to get back to work." Alice gave the lady, dubbed Rachel, a forced smile before completely turning to me.

"What did you do?" I demanded from her as I crossed my arms in front of my chest, scowling slightly. Alice's powder blue eyes were doubtful and distressed, flicking between my eyes as she timidly licked her lower lip.

"Come with me, we need privacy." Her hand loosely wound around my upper arm, delicately pulling me back in the direction of the room I had just left. Following silently behind her, my mind conjured up theories and ideas as to what I was going to be told in secrecy. Some hypothesis were unpleasant and undesirable.

Once we finally entered the secluded backstage room, I turned to Alice with an impetuous and restless demeanor.

"Ok." She took a breath and held her hands out in front of her, motioning for me to sit in the seat. I did so and stared up at her as she chewed on her lip and clasped her hands together. "Ok so… this is going to make you angry, ok?"

My right eyebrow lifted, indicating my interest. Also indicating my annoyance at her overuse of 'ok'.

"Uh… Tokio Hotel's manager, David Jost, and I have um – we have been talking. And, and we arranged the uh, the interview today."

"You organized it? With David? _Why_?" I sat forward in the seat as my anger level climbed steadily, along with my confusion.

"Please don't interrupt me, I'm having enough trouble telling you as it is." Lowering my eyes, I sat back and gently bit the tip of my tongue. "We have been talking to each other the last couple of days,"

_Oh my gosh, are they thinking of dating each other? No, that can't be it. I thought David was married?_

"And we have devised a… plan of sorts,"

_Ok, so it's not them dating. _

"Now, it's completely for the benefit of both yours and Tokio Hotel's music careers. David wants the band to become better known in America, they want to spread their name and music further. And you, as a singer, want to become more known in Europe…"

_This doesn't sound very promising. _

"So, like I said before, we have formulated this idea and we both think that it will assist both of our client's needs. As far as I know, David is telling the band and Bill our plan right now, so don't think that you have been left in the dark with this,"

"Just spit it out already, please. You are really worrying me!" I begged, making Alice lose her train of thought. She quickly dragged another chair over and sat down in front of me.

"Please promise me that you will at least think about what I'm going to tell you, don't just fly into a fit of rage." I nodded my head dumbly, waiting for her to spill the beans. "Tokio Hotel is starting their tour in February and um, David thought that it would be a good idea if you collaborated on a song with them and then… did the tour with them."

Both of my eyebrows slowly lifted as I took in the information.

_They want me to do a song with them and then go on their __**tour**__!_

"Uh-um, um… wow." I exclaimed as I shook my head, waking me from my trance. "That's um, that's amazing! I w-would love to. Uh can I ask you one question?"

"S-sure."

"Why was that such a big deal? Why did it take you nearly 10 minutes to tell me?"

Alice inhaled shakily, her bottom lip vibrating. "That's because the tour is only a small part of the plan."

"Alice, look at me." I took her hand in mine and stared into her eyes. "Just tell me."

"Whilst on tour with the band, we-we thought that maybe the… the relationship between you and Bill could," Her eyes clamped shut as she finished what she was going to tell me.

"We think it would be a good idea for you and Bill to date each other."

I dropped Alice's hands, my back straightening and my head tilting to the side. My mind was completely bare, there were no thoughts circling. I felt my stomach clench, as though I was going to be sick. I stared hard into Alice's blue eyes, searching for a humorous streak to imply that it was all a joke. A sick, cruel joke.

"I-I… you can't be serious."

"I am deathly serious, Ingrid." She would never call me by my given name unless she really needed to enforce a point. And this was a point that needed stringent enforcement.

"But… but I can't do that. I-Bill is my friend, I can't lie."

"You have obviously lied already," She said it in the most polite voice possible. "It's apparent that you _do_ have some sort of feelings for Bill – I'm _not_ saying romantic, you just have feelings for him. Not completely platonic feelings."

I released a defeated sigh and leaned back, throwing my head over the head rest of the chair to conceal my reddened face.

"See, I can't lie. It's physically impossible for me." I felt Alice's warm hand rest on my knee comfortingly.

"Your feelings for Bill aren't a lie though."

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><p><strong>DUN, DUN, DUUUUUN!<strong>

**Oooh can't believe it took me 9 chapters to get to the main point of the story lol **

**Leave me a review telling me what you think is going to happen :D**


	10. Your Brow Is Wet, You've Got A Fever

**Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own the song Strange I am solely using it for fictional purposes… yadda, yadda, yadda… **

**ON WITH THE CHAPTER! :D**

**Chapter 10: Darling Your Brow Is Wet, You've Got A Fever**

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><p>I had thrown questions at Alice left, right and center; asking how they possibly thought this was a positive and what the heck was this going to help. She said that it would help both of our careers and it would also help Bill dampen the rumors about his sexuality. There were so many negative things about the plan though. What if we got caught? What if the fans didn't like it? What if we <em>couldn't<em> pull it off? I was currently hurling _those_ questions at Erica as we sat on my bed at home. I had gotten absolutely no sleep that night, worsening my exhaustion.

"How… how are you going to do this, though?" Erica asked quietly as I sat Indian style on my bed and toyed with the braided belt on my long, strapless dress. I glanced up at her in puzzlement.

"What do you mean?"

"Well how are you… how are you going to make it known? Like, are you going to tell the fans or take a few pictures and 'leak' them?"

"Oh-uh… I-I really don't know. I mean, that would probably be up to Alice and David right?"

A snort erupted from Erica as she threw her head backwards. "Are you saying that you are going to have absolutely no control what-so-ever in this relationship? It's all going to be run by your managers?"

"Well it's not exactly a relationship anyway is it? It's all fake!" I stopped myself as I felt my voice rise. Erica was the only person I had told, Alice had instructed me to let her inform my parents, which I was happy to. My parents were not going to be pleased in the slightest and secretly, I wanted to see them dispute with Alice, as horrible as that makes me sound. But I wasn't happy with her.

"Maybe you shouldn't do this." Erica placed her hand on my knee. "The music industry puts you under enough pressure, I've noticed, and this is going to make everything a million times harder for you. Plus, what if your friendship with Bill gets damaged? What if it all ends badly and you come out worse for wear? I don't want to see that happen to you, you don't deserve it."

"Ricky," I swallowed thickly, not knowing what to say. "I feel like I don't have a choice. I feel like I have to. And… and deep down, there is a fragment of me that wants to do it."

My sister stared at me in a baffled manner, like nothing I was saying made sense. She had no idea that I was about to unlock the truth that I had been fighting and denying, and that I was about to spill it and start believing what I felt.

"I-I think… I think I might be in l-love with Bill." As the words slipped from my mouth, I felt my heart clench my breath become ragged. Erica continued to watch me, her face slowly fading from confusion to concern. Her other hand moved to enclose mine as she sighed softly and deflected her gaze from me, blinking a few times.

"How are you going to do this?" Her voice was a whisper but it grew louder as she continued to speak. "How? You-you have to act like you love him, when you really don't but in fact you _really_ do? You aren't going to be able to do this. You _can't_ do it."

"I know it's confusing, believe me, I know. But I wouldn't have to pretend to love him."

"What about when the cameras aren't around?" She ripped her hands away from mine, giving me a cold stare. "You can't love him _then_, you're supposed to be faking it. What if you give it all away? Huh? And what if he doesn't truly love you back? What are you going to do then?"

Tears sprang to my eyes as her words; they crept into my vision, blurring everything. I blinked several times as my chin trembled and stared at her in disbelief. She had never spoken to me so bluntly or so insensitively before and I hadn't witnessed a stare that cold since I stole one of her Barbie dolls when we were little.

She stood up to leave, sending one last warning my way. "Don't do it Ingrid, you're just going to end up hurt and alone."

If only I had done the smart thing and listened to what she told me instead of following my lovesick heart.

**20****th**** December 2009…**

I stepped up to the microphone and placed the headphones over my ears, glancing down at the piece of paper before me with 'Strange' scrawled across the top. On it were the words that conveyed the dark and honest truth I had been hiding. I closed my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before cueing the music to start. The soft riff of Tom's guitar filled my ears, sending a shiver up my spine and propelling me into the music. Bill's sweet voice soon followed, telling how we both felt.

_A freak of nature_

_Stuck in reality_

_I don't fit the picture_

_I'm not what you want me to be_

_Sorry_

I took a breath and started to sing in unison with Bill's heavenly voice.

_Under the radar_

_Out of the system_

_Caught in the spotlight_

_That's my existence_

_You want me to change but all I feel is_

_Strange_

_Strange_

_In your perfect world so_

_Strange_

_Strange_

_I feel so absurd in this life_

_Don't come closer in my arms forever you'll be_

_Strange_

_Strange_

It was now at my part, I didn't have Bill's voice to accompany me but it didn't matter. All of my cares flew out the window, all I focused on was the singing.

_You want to fix me_

_Push me_

_Into your fantasy_

_You try to give me_

_Sell me_

_A new personality_

I continued to record all day, having to do backing vocals and what not. I had fallen ungracefully onto the sofa, pulling out my phone and messaging Bill when everything was done. Of course I wasn't expecting a reply, it was 1am in Germany, but I just wanted to let him know that I had finished recording and the studio was putting the final touches on it. I let out a tired sigh as I sent the message to him and placed my phone on the coffee table.

Alice and David had brainstormed some more in the last month and had decided that Bill and I would announce our relationship halfway through the tour, saying that it was a foolproof plan. Apparently our reasoning would be that we grew so close to each other on tour that we couldn't deny our feelings any longer. Foolproof, huh? I tried to believe that people would go with it but it honestly sounded too good to me, it sounded too… cliché? And honestly, nobody was going to expect it to last.

"Hey, are you hungry?" Alice asked as she entered the room holding a plate of food. "A fan turned up and wanted to give you these." As she placed the dish in front of me on the coffee table I noticed that they were brownies; there must have been about 20 or so stacked high on the plate and covered with Saran wrap. I sat forward and eyed the chocolate treats suspiciously.

"They didn't want an autograph or a photo?"

"No, she said that she had met you once before and gotten those things then. She said she just wanted to give you some brownies as a thank you for being so nice."

I quirked an eyebrow in disbelief and skepticism. "Um, what if they are… you know? Like, I shouldn't be accepting food from stranger's right?"

A wry laugh came from Alice as she sat down on the opposing sofa. "You really think one of your fans is trying to poison you with _brownies_?"

"Well… she might have lied." I offered pathetically. There was something really leery about the whole scenario. "Look, I don't want them ok. So if you want them, go ahead." I pushed the plate across the low table to my manager before retreating back into the sofa.

"Alright then, I'll take care of these. I'm sure Vaughn will be happy to get rid of them." She stood again, collecting the plate of brownies and moving to the door.

"Um, how long until we can leave?"

"Probably half an hour. Come on out and sit with us, I don't want you in here on your own."

I sighed quietly before standing, grabbing my phone, and following Alice out to an area adjacent to the kitchen; it was filled with sofas and chairs that were decorated with plush pillows. Vaughn gave a warm smile and waved me over to sit next to him on a black two seater sofa. I smiled back at him and several other staff members before sitting gingerly next to Vaughn. Alice placed the overflowing plate onto the turquoise coffee table and uncovered the wrapping.

"Help yourselves guys." She gestured towards the brownies and a few people, including Vaughn, leaned forward to try them. I would have said something to her but it felt rude. Alice wandered into the kitchen, asking me if I would like a cup of coffee. I accepted the offer as I kept a close eye on the people who were chomping at the brownies, making sounds of gratitude.

"These are marvelous, did you make them yourself Alice?" A middle aged woman with dark auburn hair and a thick Irish accent inquired, licking the remaining chocolate icing off her fingers. My manager laughed boorishly.

"No, I cannot cook for my _life_, Katie. A fan of Pippa's brought them in."

"My goodness that's a lovely thing to do." Katie turned towards me, wearing a bright smile. "Have you tried one dear? They're absolutely wonderful."

I gave a shaky, awkward laugh and swayed my head from side to side. "I-I haven't yet."

"Oh! You should, it's a remarkable thing for a fan to do. It shows real devotion."

_Oh God, guilt trip._

If I said no I would feel rude, ungrateful and unappreciative towards my fans. I wasn't like that at all and I didn't want people to _think_ that I was like that; I was just paranoid about the whole fake relationship with Bill. No one but Bill, Alice, David and I knew but it didn't help the feeling of dread in my stomach. I could practically feel his fans staring me down with daggers in their eyes, wishing that I would die. My mind was adamant that the fan that brought me the brownies was a dedicated Tokio Hotel fan who wanted to poison me.

_Damn you paranoia._

"I uh, I suppose it does." Giving a weak smile, I leaned forward a picked up a brownie. Swallowing nervously, I sunk my teeth into it and waited for the foul taste of poison. To my surprise the brownie didn't have a toxically metallic flavor, instead it tasted like a chocolate brownie. A really _nice_ chocolate brownie.

"Good, isn't it?" Katie asked with wide, happy eyes. I nodded my head and smiled emphatically.

"Really good." Obviously I couldn't mask the surprise in my voice as Katie, Vaughn and the other people laughed humorously. I had lost all skepticism and the rumbling in my stomach urged me to eat a couple more.

After half an hour we finally left the recording studio and Alice dropped me off at my apartment in Pacific Heights. Clutching my handbag, as I felt a little woozy, I said goodbye to Alice and made my way up to my apartment. I grappled around in my bag for a moment in search of my keys. Panic ran through veins as my searching became more frantic, my fingers not finding the cool steel of my door key.

"Oh no, no, no!"

I suddenly remembered that I had pockets in my pants and began to stuff my hands into them. Finally my fingertips brushed against the metal, allowing me to breathe a sigh of relief.

"Gosh, get ahold of yourself." I sung quietly as I hurriedly unlocked my door and entered the warm apartment. Throwing my hand bag and keys on the kitchen counter, I walked into the bathroom and splashed cool water over my flushed face. I leaned on the hand basin as my stomach churned alarmingly.

_I think I need to eat._

I hadn't eaten properly the last few days due to my hectic schedule and I was positive that it was the cause of my lightheadedness and upset stomach. With that thought hanging in my mind, I went back out to the kitchen and scoured the pantry. The first thing that caught my eye was some tomato soup, not exactly a square meal but I was desperate. I grabbed it and threw it into the microwave, tapping my fingers impatiently on the table top while I waited and my stomach stirred more violently. While I watched the timer slowly tick down, beads of water started to appear on my skin as a cold sweat washed over me. My breathing became ragged and my fingers stopped tapping, instead holding onto the counter as I clutched my stomach. Blinking furiously, I wrenched the microwave door open nearly a minute before it was done and pulled out the bowl. I grabbed a spoon out of the basin, rinsing it quickly and diving it into the warm, red soup. My hand shook unstably as I brought the spoon to my lips, tipping the contents into my dry mouth. A second after I swallowed the lukewarm liquid, my stomach clenched painfully causing me to drop the spoon onto the floor, the loud sound piercing through my head sharply. My body began to convulse, leading to vomit flying across the counter top and the walls.

Eyes widened in panic and fear, I moved to the sink and vomited brutally again. My foggy mind raced with thoughts.

_Why am I throwing up? Why is it hot in here? Is that soup passed its use by date? Am I coming down with something? Why am I sweating so much?_

But before I had time to figure out any answers, my stomach heaved again. I took advantage of a pause in hurling to stumble over and grab my home phone, quickly racing back over to the sink afterwards. I realized that I needed to do two things; call Alice and get to the bathroom as the sink was no place for this activity. The foreboding rumble in my stomach decided which was more urgent.

Clutching the phone desperately in my hand, I staggered to the bathroom just in time to empty my stomach once more. I let out a feeble groan as I collapsed next to the toilet in a pile of sweat and tears. Holding the phone in my trembling hands, I tried my hardest to focus on the swirling screen and buttons. I had never been more thankful that Alice was on speed dial than now. I clutched the phone to my ear, listening to it ring and my heavy, labored breaths.

"_Hey Pip, what's up?"_

"Alice! Alice… I-I need help, please. Please Alice, I need you." My mouth rambled as the connection between my brain and voice box failed. In my head I had planned dialogue but it wasn't getting through; the only thing that was spilling from my mouth was gibberish.

"_Pippa what's wrong? What's going on?"_

I started to cry dramatically, sobbing harder than I was vomiting. "I need, I need help Alice! Please help me, please."

"_Ok, ok I'll be there soon. Hold on, just hold on!"_

**Alice's POV**

"Pippa!" I yelled as I threw her unlocked door open, my eyes frantically scanning the apartment. I noted the tomato soup spilled on the kitchen floor with a spoon lying in it and the unmistakable stench of vomit coming from the sink. I grimaced and blocked my nose with the sleeve of my shirt. "Ugh gross. Pippa? Where are you?"

"Alice?" Her weak and wavering voice floated from the bathroom. I raced in there only to be confronted with a sight that made me gasp in horror and my heart drop. Pippa was sprawled on the floor, her head leaning on the side of the bathtub languidly. Her pasty, sickly white skin was covered in a layer of sweat as broken breathes poured from her parted lips.

"Ingrid, oh God!" I cried as I rushed toward her limp body and grabbed her cold tear and mascara streaked face in my hands. Her eyelids fluttered open, revealing distant and hazy eyes, a darker shade than usual. "Jesus what happened Ingrid? What happened?"

A fragile moan came from her as she lulled her head from side to side and her vacant eyes rolled into the back of her head.

"Ingrid!" I yelled at her fearfully, slapping her firmly on the cheek to keep her conscious. "Ingrid you have to tell me what happened!"

Her eyes rolled to the front again as she opened her mouth slightly and stuttered maniacally. "T-t-the… br-brownies."

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><p><strong>I wasn't sure whether or not to skip ahead but I finally decided to because it just felt like the right thing to do. Also I wasn't sure whether I would be able to work Strange into this very well so I hope that it's alright.<strong>

**I also need to give major credit to XxShelbyxKaulitzxX for her idea of the interview with Bill in the last chapter. I forgot to credit her and it's been eating away at me so I just needed to get that out there. LOVE YOU BELSHY :)**

**Review me! **


	11. Flames Lead Me To You

**I would like to wish a very Happy Birthday to Bill and Tom Kaulitz who are turning 22 today. They will never know the amazing things they did for me but I will be forever grateful to them and Georg and Gustav. All four men are true inspirations to so many people across the world and to me personally. I will always be a dedicated Tokio Hotel fan, no matter how much they change because it honestly doesn't matter to me. **

**Kleiner Android und Alien für immer *insert love heart here because FF is lame and won't let me make a proper one***

**Chapter 11: Flames Lead Me To You**

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><p><strong>21<strong>**st**** December, 2009…**

Across the North Atlantic Ocean, in his Hamburg apartment that he shared with his brother, Bill Kaulitz was having a minor panic attack. He had just been told by David that Pippa was in hospital with Tylenol poisoning. He had nearly burst into tears when he had first been informed, but he was slowly starting to think more carefully about the situation. There was no possible way that Pippa would poison herself, she just wasn't like that, Bill was sure of it. So that meant that someone else had to have given it to her. Fury ran through his veins as he came to the conclusion that someone had purposely poisoned Pippa.

"Why would they do that? _Who_ would do that? It's Pippa! She's so nice and sweet, how could anyone do that to her?" Bill ranted madly as he paced back and forth in their living room, making Tom uncomfortable on the sofa.

He felt it wasn't a good idea for him to comment on the whole situation. He was feeling bad for Pippa but seeing as they were not friends in any definition of the word, he kept a seal on his mouth. Tom was also scared that, in his agitated state, Bill would snap at him if he said anything that concerned Pippa. Bill still hadn't forgiven Tom for what he'd done and it was a dangerous subject for both of them.

"Why would anyone do that Tom?" Bill asked as he fell onto the sofa next to his uneasy twin, exhaling roughly. Tom took the question as metaphoric and didn't attempt to answer. "And to _Pippa_. God, she has to be one of the nicest people out there. Whoever did this is sick. Absolutely sick; they need some kind of… psychologist!"

Tom couldn't fight the sudden impulse of guilt he felt in his stomach. It wasn't long ago that Bill had been saying such things about him. Saying that _he_ was sick and _he_ was the one in need of professional help. Those insults had cut Tom deeply; he had never heard his brother say such things to him with such a menacing voice.

"Are you listening to me Tom?" Bill's sharp voice cut into Tom's thoughts. The younger twin expelled an annoyed sigh, folding his arms across his chest. "Typical. You just zone out."

"Uh… sorry." He mumbled, looking away from Bill and lowering his head slightly.

"It doesn't matter anyway. It's not like you care about Pippa's welfare."

_Ouch._

Bill hauled himself off the sofa and moved to stand in front of the glass sliding door that leads to the balcony with his arms crossed. Tom could see his brothers identical eyes drift across the snow covered city below, watering slightly as his emotions got the better of him. The knot of guilt in Tom's stomach grew tighter, forcing a lump into his throat. He needed to say something to break the silence in the room. The only audible noise was the crackle of the fireplace and that wasn't cutting it.

"I do care." He managed to whisper, only just loud enough to catch Bill's attention. Bill's mouth faded into cynical smile as he snorted lightly, his eyes still wandering over the scenery.

"Stop lying. I know you're only saying that because you feel guilty." He suddenly inhaled sharply, turning away from the door and facing Tom. "You don't care about Pippa at all. If you did, you wouldn't have harassed her like you did."

Tom could feel the anger radiating off of his twins body, igniting a fire inside of his own. His jaw clenched as he spoke through gritted teeth. "I was drunk, Bill. I didn't know what I was doing."

"Yes you did. You knew _exactly_ what you were doing." Bill stepped closer, untangling one arm to point a finger at him accusingly. "You were jealous because she wasn't interested in you _at all_. She had standards and you fell _way_ below them. So you decided that you just had to have her, seeing as she didn't want anything to do with you. So then you came over to my room, being fully aware that I was in the shower, and you _forced_ yourself onto her-"

"I did not _force_ myself onto her!" Tom interjected, standing up and staring his brother down.

Bill scoffed as he stared at Tom in disbelief. He wondered how his own brother could stand there and say such things, such lies. "Yes you damn well did. You know, she's not one of your emotionless groupies. She's sensitive and she's still innocent and you scared the _shit_ out of her that night. She thought you were going to _rape_ her, Tom."

The older twin fell silent, sighing as the new information sunk in and made his stomach churn. He really couldn't believe that he had made someone think of him like that, he couldn't believe that someone thought he was capable of sexually assaulting them. Tom downcast his eyes, a sign of submission to Bill.

"I tried to apologize." He offered pathetically. Even he wanted to slap himself for saying something so deplorable.

"Jesus Tom. Don't be so low. Can you really blame her for not wanting to be anywhere near you?"

Frustration started to pump through Tom's body again. "I would have apologized properly if she had given me the chance but she just ran away."

The reply he received from his twin was a sharp right hook to the jaw, making him stumble backwards and land on the sofa. Before he could react Bill was on top of him, punching him hard in the stomach, chest and face. Tom didn't hit Bill back, but he tried his best to block his punches and restrain him. Eventually Bill stopped and climbed off his brother, walking angrily to his bedroom and slamming the door with such ferocity that the glass in the windows shook. Tom sighed heavily and gingerly touched his jaw, knowing that he needed to find a way to apologize to Pippa properly before it drove him insane.

**22****nd**** December, 2009…**

**Pippa's POV**

I ducked my head as Alice and I quickly walked to her car; avoiding the paparazzi's questions. Some of them wanted to know if I was alright and why I was in hospital, others were still harping on about Bill and I. Alice squeezed my hand in a reassuring fashion as we continued through the parking lot. It reminded me of Vaughn, who was still in the hospital. He had gotten poisoned too, in fact most of the MTV staff had been in the same ward with the same problem. I even saw Katie, who sent me a weak smile.

"Look, I'll release a statement later on about all of this, ok? Can you please just clear off?" Alice bargained and the paps died down a little, their cameras still snapping shots. I slid into the passenger seat of her car and secured my seatbelt, continuing to hide my face. Eventually Alice got in and sighed, frustrated with the situation. I couldn't help but feel bad as she angrily started her car and began maneuvering around people. The movement of the car made my stomach lurch dangerously but I swallowed thickly to keep the bile down. As Alice drove, I lazily glanced in the side mirror. It was obvious that the photographers were following us, it's a little difficult not to notice a man hanging out of a car window, wielding a huge camera. Shaking my head at their stupidity, I looked away from the mirror and at my hands resting in my lap instead.

"So… are you alright?" Alice asked, glancing at me quickly. I never thought there would be such an awkward car ride between her and I as there was now. We had never had to make small talk before. Even when I was angry at her for her plan I had just flat out ignored her, I wouldn't acknowledge her for days afterwards.

"I uh," I cleared my throat and sat up a little, as if to prepare for a conversation. "I suppose so."

"That's good, that's good." She nodded encouragingly, which made my forehead crease in confusion.

_Is she pussy-footing around something here?_

Before I had time to think, I blurted out, "Why do you ask?"

Alice glanced at me again, this time as though I had grown another eyeball on my chin. "B-because you just got out of hospital. I just wanted to know how you were feeling, you know? Like if you felt sick or something."

"Oh." I replied dumbly, squeezing my hands together and looking out the passenger window. "I'm fine."

"Because," She continued as though I had said nothing at all. She quite often did that to me. "You have an interview and a photoshoot scheduled for tomorrow and I just wanted to know whether, you know, you're up for it or not."

I pondered for a few moments whether I actually was feeling well enough to do an interview and a photoshoot. Somewhere in my head I knew that I wasn't but as I looked in that side mirror and saw that photographer still hanging out of the car window, something inside of me swayed my answer. Responsibility.

Sighing, I nodded my head and turned to look at Alice. "I'll do it."

"Are you sure? Because you _just_ got out of hospital. I mean, I don't want to put too much stress on you."

"No, I'll be fine." I forced a small, meek smile. Amazingly, it was persuasive enough to make the brunette grin.

"Ok then, I'll call them and tell them it's still on."

I don't know why but I felt disappointed in Alice. Like I had wanted her to pull the car over and tell me that she knew I wasn't well enough to do it, to stop being silly and putting my career before my health. Unfortunately, Alice wasn't my mother and she couldn't distinguish my forced smile from the one that I usually gave to the camera; she couldn't tell that I was lying through my teeth.

Slowly stepping out of the car, almost waiting for the nausea to hit me, I turned to Alice and thanked her for the ride.

"Don't worry about it. I also called in a cleaner to… deal with your apartment so it should be all nice and non-vomity now."

"Thank you Alice, I know I made a mess the other day." I felt my cheeks blush hotly.

"Doesn't matter," She waved a hand at me nonchalantly. "I'll come and pick you up tomorrow morning, 9 o'clock alright? Make sure you're up and ready."

"I'll be right here at 9 o'clock tomorrow morning, don't you worry. See you later." I closed the door and waved her off before heading up to my apartment. Nerves built up as I unlocked the door; had the cleaner done a good job? Had they touched my stuff? I walked in and was pleasantly greeted with the sweet smell of lavender and the sight of a sparkling clean kitchen. I set my handbag down and walked over to inspect the cleanliness of the bench. The walls were back to their nice white color and the sink was empty and shining brightly.

"Thank goodness." I muttered out loud, relief sweeping over me. The first thought that entered my mind was calling my parents. I knew that Alice had phoned them to inform them when I was in hospital but I hadn't spoken to them yet.

I picked up my phone and dialed the number, curling up into a ball on my sofa as I waited.

"_Uh, hello?"_ Gwen's annoyed voice made me blush slightly, though I'm not sure why.

"Hi Gwen, it's Pippa."

"_Oh my God Pippa, are you ok? What the hell happened to you?"_

"I-I'm fine. Is my dad there?" I asked nervously. I felt a little rude asking to speak with someone else but I just needed a parent right now and mom was busy at work.

"_Yeah, yeah he's outside with Dion working on that darn car. I'll just get him for you."_

I nodded and then chuckled when I realized my silly reaction. I didn't have time to say anything though because soon Gwen was screaming my father's name. Unfortunately for me, she had forgotten to cover the phone or hold it away from herself in her haste. Therefore, I squeaked and nearly jumped right off the sofa when her loud yells sharply penetrated my eardrum.

"_Pippa? How are you sweetheart? Are you alright? I was so worried about you." _My father's soothing voice took a moment to sink in after that beating.

"Yeah dad, I'm alright and I'm back at my apartment now. The doctors said that it was um, Tylenol poisoning."

"_Good lord, how did that happen?"_

I suddenly felt stupid as I realized that my story wasn't exactly portraying me in a flattering light. "Um well, I was in the studio recording and Alice came in with a plate of brownies. She said that a fan had brought them and I thought that it was a little suspicious that she hadn't wanted an-an autograph or _something _but Alice said that she had met me before and gotten that then. Anyway I uh, I didn't want any because I was still really skeptical. But then I went out to this kind of kitchen thing and Alice gave the brownies to the staff. One of the ladies there, Katie, she kind of… forced me to try one. And I did. They tasted so good, I thought they would have some sort of metallic taste or something but they just tasted really nice. So… I had a few more."

"_How many more, Pippa?"_ My father's voice was soft but accusing at the same time. I hung my head as I toyed with the zipper on my coat.

"About 6."

"_My God!"_

"I know! But I was _so_ hungry, I hadn't eaten properly because of the recording and the interviews and whatnot and they were just so nice… I feel really stupid dad." Tears brimmed at my eyes as my face burnt with embarrassment.

"_Don't feel stupid, honey. Has Alice contacted the police about this?"_

"I-I don't think so."

"_What? This person should be charged! They poisoned you! You must report them to the police, Ingrid."_

"Dad please, I don't want to cause trouble."

"_No, Ingrid. You are going to contact the police and you are going to tell them about this. Alice could probably give a description of the person and-and there would be security cameras right?"_

"Dad!" I cried as the tears in my eyes started to spill. "Please just stop talking about that. I-I'll talk to Alice about it ok. But right now I just need my dad to comfort me."

"_Honey I'm sorry, I just don't want that person to be free. I don't want you to get hurt. Your mother and I, we've been talking and we want you to come back as soon as possible for Christmas. Tomorrow would be best."_

"Dad I can't, I have press stuff to do tomorrow."

"_Pippa, you shouldn't be doing that stuff. You've only just gotten out of hospital."_ His stern voice made me cower but I was adamant.

"I have to, I've already agreed to it and if I back out it's not going to look good. I promise you, I'll fly back up on Tuesday though. Maybe even tomorrow night if I can."

A heavy sigh from my father gave way to a thoughtful pause in our conversation. _"Alright. Fly up Tuesday though, you know I don't like flying at night."_

"I know dad." A small, shy smile appeared on my face. "I love you."

"_I love you too. I'd better get back out there and help your brother before he runs himself over. Just promise me that you will talk to Alice about pressing charges for me, ok?"_

"I will. Bye dad."

After I ended the call with my father, I lay on the sofa for a couple of hours mulling the past few days over in my head. They had been quite traumatizing for me, perhaps more so than I knew. Eventually, at 5pm, I decided to take a much needed hot bath and go to bed. I was so completely exhausted and I knew that I needed to look my best for tomorrow, the makeup artist wouldn't appreciate the dark circles in my eyes that had formed due to lack of sleep.

I dragged my sluggish self to the bathroom, giving the pristine toilet a petulant look, and drew the bath. While I waited for the tub to fill, I rifled through my iPod to find a certain song. A giddy smile broke onto my face as my eyes danced over the title. Just seeing the name made my heart jump excitedly. I selected the track, hitting repeat, and placed my iPod safely on the counter. As the familiar, calming melody began, I stripped off my clothes and stepped into the tepid water, wincing a little out of shock at the heat.

_It's raining today_

_The blinds are shut, it's always the same_

_I tried all the games that they play_

_But they made me insane_

_Life on TV_

_It's random, it means nothing to me_

_I'm writing down what I cannot see_

_Wanna wake up in a dream_

_Whoa, whoa_

_They're telling me it's beautiful_

_I believe them but will I ever know_

_The world behind my wall?_

_Whoa, whoa_

_The sun will shine like never before_

_One day I will be ready to go_

_Trains in the sky_

_Are traveling through fragments of time_

_They're taking me to parts of my mind_

_That no one can find_

_I'm ready to fall_

_I'm ready to crawl on my knees to know it all_

_I'm ready to heal, I'm ready to feel_

_Whoa, whoa_

_They're telling me it's beautiful_

_I believe them but will I ever know_

_The world behind my wall?_

_Whoa, whoa_

_The sun will shine like never before_

_One day I will be ready to go_

_See the world behind my wall_

_See the world behind my wall_

_See the world behind my wall_

_See the world behind my wall_

_I'm ready to fall_

_I'm ready to crawl on my knees to know it all_

_I'm ready to heal, I'm ready to feel_

As the song reached the climaxing point, the emotion-filled tears rolled down my face and I lowered myself until I was completely under the water. Bill's beautiful, angelic voice became muffled to my ears but I could still faintly hear him, singing his heart out.

_Take me there_

_Take me there_

_Take me there_

_Whoa, whoa_

_They're telling me it's beautiful_

_I believe them but will I ever know_

_The world behind my wall?_

As the song faded out, my hearing was invaded by a different sound, my phone. I immediately recognized the ringtone to be Bill's and I jerked upwards, the bathwater splashing around me.

"Bill." I whimpered, standing up and reaching for a towel. "I need Bill."

Wrapping the towel around my body to protect me from the cold air, I carefully jogged out to swipe my mobile phone off the kitchen counter, firmly pressing the answer button.

"Bill?" The desperation in my voice was clear, my pitch had risen significantly.

"_No, Pippa it's Tom," _I felt my heart drop as my knees gave way and I sunk to the floor. _"Please don't hang up, I really want to apologize to you properly."_

My emotions overwhelmed me, I was still crying from the song and now hearing Tom's voice was making me even more upset for some reason. Even though I so desperately wanted to throw my phone at the wall and watch as it flew into a hundred pieces, there seemed to be something that was stopping me from doing so. Quite possibly, it was my heart.

"_I'm not good with the whole expressing your feelings kind of thing so I'm just going to talk and I'd really like it if you could listen. You don't even have to say anything and you can hang up whenever you want, I just really need to get this off my chest."_

He gulped down a huge breath before starting, it sounded like he was a little bit emotional as well, amazing as that seems. I was sitting in the corner of my kitchen, my lugs hugged closely to my chest, wearing only a towel, and crying softly while I listened to Tom apologize to me. I knew this was a moment that would forever be ingrained in my memory.

"_Yesterday when we found out that you were in hospital, Bill nearly had a panic attack. He was so worried for you and it brought up some things between us. Bill was pacing around the room, asking all these questions like 'how could anyone do that to someone so sweet?' and I… I couldn't say anything. I was just sitting there silently because I was too scared to say something. I mean, I cared that you were in hospital because it was a horrible thing to hear, but I just didn't feel that it was my place to say anything, not after what happened between us. Anyway, Bill accused me of not caring and long story short, we got into a fight. He said some things in that fight that have been driving me insane and I haven't been able to sleep because every time I fall asleep I dream about you. And I see your face, you're scared and you're crying and it's because of me. It breaks my heart that I was so irresponsible and reckless that night and that I made you think that I was going to… I would never do such a thing to anyone and I really don't know how to apologize. I don't know how to make you know how ashamed I am. All I can say is that I am deeply sorry and that I hope you can one day forgive me because that night is torturing me as well as you."_

And I thought I was crying before! After all that I was lying on my side, on the cold tiles, sobbing so hard that my body was literally heaving. I could hear in Tom's voice too that he was upset and most probably crying as well. I was officially an emotional wreck. So many different feelings were swirling around in my body so fast that there was only one I could keep ahold of, and that one feeling scared me half to death. My unsteady mental state was majorly clouding my thoughts, which is what lead me to say what I said next.

"I f-forgive you," I sniffled, raising a hand to wipe away some of my tears. "And, and I love you Tom."

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><p><strong>I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK ME THIS LONG TO UPDATE! D: I'll never forgive myself but I tried to make this chapter longer to make up for it a bit. Forgivers me? *Puppy dog eye*<strong>

**Just to let you all know, I did actually do some research on Acetaminophen (Paracetamol/Tylenol) overdosing [just so I wouldn't look too stupid] and it says that it usually takes over 24 hours for symptoms to show but I wanted to speed it up a little. Also the symptoms aren't quite the same as what I had in the last chapter as well and that's because I was planning on the brownies being weed brownies. BUT, I decided that I wanted something more dangerous and life threatening [because I'm horrible like that lol] so I went with Tylenol poisoning :3 **


	12. I'm So Tired… My Mind Is Set On You

**I'm not even going to say anything regarding the wait for this chapter, nothing I say is a good enough excuse. I'm just worried that this one isn't that good, it feels a little rushed to me. But I really just had to give you guys something.**

**Chapter 12: I'm So Tired… My Mind Is Set On You**

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><p>"<em>W-what?"<em> Tom sputtered in bewilderment. _"What did you say?"_

Thoughts raced around my foggy head a million miles a minute. I stopped sobbing and sat up, gripping the towel firmly around me. I may have been alone but I couldn't talk to someone on the phone whilst naked; that was just plain uncomfortable and awkward.

_What did I just say? Why would I say that? What made me say that?_

"I… I-I don't know," I inhaled a deep breath of air, seemingly snapping out of my daze. "I'm sorry, I really have no clue where that came from. I'm just, I'm an emotional wreck right now and…" I halted, realizing that I was about to tell _Tom_ about my feelings.

_What on Earth is going on?_

"_Listen, I know you're… upset right now so I'm just going to ignore what you said. I don't think it means anything."_

"But what if it does?" Gasping in shock at my unreliable mouth, I slapped my hand across it, stopping myself from saying anymore stupid things. There must have been a major default in the passage between my brain and my mouth, the filter certainly wasn't working properly.

I heard Tom gulp and then sigh. _"Don't think about it too much. I'm sure it was just… a mistake. It was just because you were upset and crying and I apologized."_

"You're right. I need to stop being so emotional and start being more logical." I moved my hand from my mouth and wiped my tears away instead. "Thank you for taking the time to apologize to me and I still do accept your apology. I'm really sorry that you had to uh, talk to me while I was in such a disposition."

"_Disposition? I don't quite know what that means but I think I have the idea. Why were you so upset when I called anyway?"_

"Uh um, oh… I was just, you know, not having a very good day." I stumbled over my words in a rush.

"_It must have been a really bad day."_

"It was!" I bit back, feeling my face heat up as anger started pumping through me. "It was absolutely horrible with those… those pathetic paparazzi everywhere! I couldn't even get into Alice's car without being completely swamped by them. And then they would hang out the window of the car with their huge cameras. I just… I don't know, I feel responsible for them."

"_Hey don't you go feeling bad about those dirty perverts, ok. If they hurt themselves it's their own fault, it is __**not**__ yours. They'll do anything to get a picture, they don't even care about their own safety. Just look after yourself and make sure they don't hurt you. The less of those damn idiots, the better anyway. Don't feel bad for them."_

For a few seconds I was stumped. Utterly speechless. Never in my lifetime had I thought that I would have confessed a fear of mine to Tom, let alone him giving me advice on it. I hadn't even noticed the mutual change in our friendship. Could a friendship really change that fast? In one conversation? Before I had feared Tom but now I was having a heart to heart talk with him, over the phone.

"_Pippa? Are you there?"_ The concerned tone in his voice seemed amplified now that I was aware of it.

I cleared my throat and pulled myself onto my feet. "I think I had better go and… and sleep or something."

"_Oh, ok. Uh can I just ask you one question before you go?"_

"I suppose." I mumbled quietly as I began to shuffle out of the kitchen and into my bedroom.

"_Why is 'World Behind My Wall' playing in the background?"_

My feet stopped moving and my body stiffened. My throat clenched shut, stopping me from answering, and my eyes widened in shock. I opened my mouth in an attempt to talk but nothing in the form of words came out. Panicking, I hung up my phone and threw it onto my bed as though it had a deadly virus. I stood frozen for a moment, listening to the song play, before turning and quickly walking back into the bathroom. I picked up my iPod and swiftly shut off the music with a sharp sigh. As I put my iPod down again my eyes glanced over the two faint nail marks on my wrist. My head took me back to that night at the awards show, in particular the morning after when I had seen the picture of myself smiling at Bill as he held my hand. The happiness in my face was genuine, the adoration clear in my eyes as I peered up at him. Thoughts slowly drifted in of Tom's body pressed against mine and his eyes staring down at me. I took a deep breath and tore my eyes away.

I drained the water from the tub as all chances of relaxing flew out the window. The only thing I felt like doing was sleeping, that way I didn't have to think about everything that had happened today. Dizzying amounts of thoughts were revolving around me, each more eager than the last to be examined and figured out. But I wasn't ready to face any of them so I returned to my bedroom, noticing the MTV award sitting on my desk, shining in the last ray of sun poking through my window. I frowned, closed my curtains and got changed into my pajamas. I climbed into my soft, comfy bed, all the time praying that I would be able to sleep. Of course, as I lay there in the pitch dark silence, the thoughts came rushing at me all at once, suffocating my head. I tossed and turned, trying to ignore it but my thoughts just wouldn't leave me alone.

After fighting with myself for over two hours I gave in and decided that I needed a better distraction. Huffing angrily, I threw the covers off my body and grabbed my laptop from my desk, placing it on my bed and powering it on. The screen illuminated my room, making me squint from the brightness. Tapping my fingers lightly on the keys, I tried to think of something to look up. With nothing else coming to mind, I ended up typing in my own name. Over a million results popped up, taking my breath away slightly. Every other website had Bill's name in the title along with mine, accompanied with words like 'love', 'dating' and 'couple'. I tried to find an article that didn't include Bill or anything about Tokio Hotel; it was difficult but not impossible. I puttered around the internet for an hour or so before I got a better idea. Leaning over to my bedside table, I opened the drawer and retrieved a pad of paper and a pencil.

_Ok… lyrics. Come on brain, work with me here._

Unfortunately, my brain _did_ work with me, just a little too much. I had been completely focused on writing, nothing had disturbed me… not even the chime of the grandfather clock in my lounge as the hours passed. The words were just pouring out of me, I even had a melody in my head to accompany it. Eventually I got stuck and glanced at my computer for help, noticing that it was 1am. My eyes bulged. Had I really just stayed up for 7 hours? I did a double check, rubbed my eyes and pulled my laptop closer to myself. Still, it read 1:03am 23rd December. I let out a muffled cry of surprise and jumped off my bed, racing out into my living room to check the grandfather clock. It portrayed the same time.

"Oh no!" Rubbing my hands over my face in annoyance, I trudged back to my bedroom. I shut down my computer and placed it back on my desk, next to the award. Climbing back into bed, I placed the pad on my bedside table. I also set my alarm for 8:40am before snuggling down. I knew that Alice wasn't going to be happy with me if I was tired at the interview. And I knew for a fact that only seven hours of sleep wasn't going erase the bags under my eyes. The only good thing to come out of this was the song I had started to work on.

**8:56am…**

I sighed heavily as I locked my apartment door and hoisted my bag further onto my shoulder. Walking down the flight of stairs, I yawned and gave a whiny moan as I fixed my large sunglasses. I really wanted to sleep for a few more hours- wait no, I _needed_ to sleep for a few more hours. I was fully aware that I resembled some sort of zombie; I had no makeup on, my eyes were bloodshot and had some seriously bad dark circles surrounding them, my hair was thrown into a messy bun and I was wearing a plain, gray t-shirt dress with black leggings underneath and a black trench coat. I was very understated. The door opened and one of my neighbors walked into the building as I got to the bottom of the stairs; she gave me a friendly smile and I returned it before heading outside into the chilled morning air. There were a couple of fans waiting patiently on the sidewalk that approached me, bearing my cd and a magazine I was featured in.

"Pippa? Could you please sign these?" One of the young blonde girls smiled shyly and thrust forward a marker while the other just grinned excitedly.

"Of course." I smiled back and took the pen, scribbling my name across both objects. Suddenly, the silent blonde pulled a pink digital camera out of her coat pocket.

"Um, could we get a picture as well?"

"Ooh, um… I'm not looking very good at the moment though." I tried to reason my way out of the photo; I knew I looked horrible, I didn't need to see the proof. Plus, a fan wouldn't want to get a picture with a celebrity when they aren't looking their best.

"Nonsense! You're beautiful. Please?" I gave a little chuckle and nodded. The girls positioned themselves on my sides and wrapped their arms around me, making me stiffen slightly. I plastered a smile on my face as the camera flashed and the girls finally let go of me. They said their thank you's and began to walk away, giggling excitedly with each other. Not a minute later, Alice pulled up and I got into her car.

"Hey," She grinned warmly at me as I fidgeted with the seatbelt. "Wait a minute, look at me?"

I inhaled a deep breath, knowing that she had noticed my half-dead appearance. Swinging my head towards her, I noted her face turn to disappointment.

"You look horrible! What happened? Didn't you sleep?" She leaned over and removed my glasses, her frown becoming more pronounced as she saw my bloodshot, tired eyes. "Pippa!"

"No, I-I had a rough night."

"It looks like it!"

"I… I couldn't sleep. But it wasn't for nothing." I reached into my bag and pulled out the notepad. Her eyebrows scrunched together as I handed it to her.

"A song?"

I nodded as her eyes glanced over the words. "I spent nearly 7 hours on it, it just came out of nowhere. I only realized the time when I went to look up something on my computer."

"Wow," She nodded her head slowly as she continued to read the lyrics. "I wish you hadn't given that to me, I was trying to be mad at you."

I smiled shyly and shrugged as she handed it back to me and started to drive.

"I am proud of you though, that's going to be a hit; I can feel it in my brittle old bones."

We drove to the photoshoot discussing the information, Alice told me that it was located in a deserted school on the outskirts of the city. I was glad that I had something to do today to take my mind off of what happened last night with Tom, it was all I could think about and I hated that. The other thing sitting deeply in my mind was my fathers orders to press charges against the girl who poisoned me. However I wasn't sure whether or not to tell Alice about that yet.

I felt my eyebrows raise in surprise as Alice parked her car in front of the destination; I leaned forward in my seat and observed. Most of the windows were broken, glass scattered across the concrete. The faded red paint on the front door was chipped considerably and there was a thick layer of moss covering the red bricks.

"Wow, this is… kind of sad." I mumbled as my eyes gazed over the building. Alice took a deep breath and nodded, stepping out of the car. I quickly followed suit, eager to see more of the forsaken school.

"I have no clue what this was called or anything, all I know is that it's giving me majorly creepy vibes. I feel like I'm in a horror movie." I quirked an eyebrow at Alice, smirking lightly as we walked up to the entry. A male figure with dark hair appeared behind the door, making Alice screech and jump in fright. The man chuckled and opened the double doors, shaking his head.

"Alice, you really are easy to frighten! Welcome to Birkford College… well, what's left of it anyway."

"Oh shut it Andrew, you really shouldn't be frightening middle aged people like me, I could curl over and have a heart attack." She smacked Andrew's arm lightly before giving him a hug. "This is the gorgeous Pippa."

"Hi." I smiled as I perched my sunglasses atop my head and held my hand out to shake. He took it with both hands and grinned at me, surveying my body and face quickly.

"My, my you really are a stunner. It's going to be wonderful working with you today."

"Oh thank you and likewise, I hear you take some fantastic photos." Now that I got to look at him properly, I saw that he was a good looking man; I thought he would have been more suited to being in front of the camera.

"Well I do try." He laughed and motioned for us to follow him. We moved into what I guessed to be an old classroom. Torn pictures still clung hopelessly to the walls of which were covered in spray painted profanities. In amongst an arrangement of books spread carelessly on the floor stood an old wooden desk with an opened schoolbook on it. The lights and other things that the crew had brought with them sorely stood out from the decimated building.

"Wow, I thought they would have taken the stuff with them when they left." Alice's forehead creased as she looked around.

"I thought so too but all the books were still in that thing over there." Andrew pointed over to an ancient looking bookcase where a couple of books remained.

"So how did they get all over the ground?" I asked, looking at Andrew as he took his camera of a table.

"Let's just say we did some redecorating." He gave a sly wink and chuckle. We soon finished with the pleasantries of greeting the team and got down to business. Andrew told me the plan; in his words, he wanted me to be in white, barefoot with my hair hanging down. He wanted sad, betrayed and pained expressions, as though I was hurt by the surrounding buildings state.

"I-I want you… to be a picture of innocence and perfection in such a rough, disheartened, destroyed… other 'dis' words I'm not smart enough to know of place. Ok? You feeling me?"

"Oh yes, I… feel you." I cleared my throat awkwardly and nodded as he continued to explain how I was to pose and what locations we were shooting in. It wasn't long before I found myself in the clutches of a makeup artist.

"Okily dokily, let's get rollin'. I'm Katey, nice to meet you-oh my gosh, those are some bloodshot eyes! Did you stay up all night or something?" I watched as her cherry red lips parted and her eyes widened.

"Uh I did, actually." I gave a weak chuckle at the end of the sentence while Katey tutted and shook her head.

"You're lucky I bought my eye drops with me. And _I'm_ lucky you have such good skin, we aren't going to have to do too much here to get that angelic look; especially with those gorgeous eyes of yours!"

"Uh, thanks." I replied unenthusiastically. There was something I was forgetting, I could feel it. After sifting around in my crowded thoughts I finally realized what it was. "OH! Alice?"

"Mhmm?" She looked up from her Blackberry.

"I need you to arrange a flight home for me, sometime tomorrow. Is that alright?"

"I'll just check," She paused for a moment and tapped away at her Blackberry. "There's nothing on the agenda for tomorrow, todays plans are the last until after Christmas. However you have an interview and performance on the 27th. So I'll book that flight for you. Do you want it in the morning or afternoon? Pippa?"

My eyes snapped open; I had momentarily fallen asleep during Alice's speech. I wasn't quite sure how that was possible for me to accomplish seeing as Katey was abusing my face with foundation and concealer.

"Uh… uh sometime in the morning please."

One thing that was obvious; my turbulent sleeping pattern was seeking revenge on my body, I was completely and utterly exhausted. One thing that wasn't so obvious, perhaps clouded by my denial; my exhaustion was intensified by the thoughts of Tom, refusing to leave me be. No matter what I tried, I couldn't escape him.

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><p><strong>I really do appreciate that you've read this chapter, it means a lot. I really want to know whether it was good or not so leave me a review and tell me your thoughts. Thank you :) <strong>


	13. Got Me Feeling Like I'm Nothing

**This chapters probably like really bad towards the end cause I did the last 1,000 words in one sitting so yeah. Sorry if it's not that good. I'm thinking next chapter I'm going to skip ahead to when Pippa's starts the tour with Tokio Hotel. I'm not sure yet but I'm thinking it might be a good idea, tell me what you think.**

**Chapter 13: Got Me Feeling Like I'm Nothing**

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><p><strong>25<strong>**th**** December, 2009…**

"Ingrid!"

I was jolted awake by Aaron yelling loudly in my ear, followed by my pillow being ripped out from under my head. I let out a sleepy groan and blindly reached out to hit my brother. I was punching at thin air as he laughed and jumped onto my bed; bouncing me around and out of my slumber.

"Ingy!" He called out childishly, using a childhood nickname that I resented. "Ingy it's Christmas! Let's go open the presents!"

"Aaron," I let out a long groan as I attempted to sit up without being knocked over again. "Aaron, you're _17_… grow up _please_!"

He stopped jumping around and thudded down onto my bed, staring at me seriously. "What's wrong?"

The question shocked me, completely caught me by surprise. Aaron wasn't good with expressing his feelings, or caring for anyone else's. It took a lot for him to notice someone's change in mood. I remember when my parents took him to a doctor when he was little because he refused to talk and interact with the rest of the kids. The doctor had said it was nothing serious, at most a mild case of Asperger syndrome or Autism. One positive about Aaron's lack of recognition was that he was easy to lie to.

"Um nothing. Just that you woke me up and I'm tired."

"Oh," He nodded and glanced around the room for a moment before standing up. "Well it's Christmas, so you can't sleep." Then, without my consent, Aaron grabbed me and dragged me out of my warm bed, dropping me onto the floor.

"Aaron! Ugh, I'm awake now so you can leave." He grinned mischievously, saluted and then left me on the floor. Rolling my eyes at him, I collected myself off the floor and glanced at Erica's bed. It was tidy and made, she was obviously downstairs helping Mama with the food. I grabbed my phone off my bedside table and saw that I had several messages. One from Alice, wishing me a Merry Christmas and one from Bill of the same content, just longer and asking me to call him when I had the time. After checking the time and grumbling at the fact that it wasn't even 8am, I sat down on my bed and called Bill; who picked up on the fourth ring.

"_Hi Pippa. Merry Christmas."_ My aggravated mood changed as I heard his joyful voice, a smile gracing my face.

"Hi Bill. Merry Christmas to you too. I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"_Oh no, no. Tom and I were just playing Xbox, I was winning."_ I heard Tom shout out in protest cheerfully, making my heart skip a beat.

"Uh, you're not with your family for Christmas?"

"_Actually we are, it's a family tradition for us to play video games while our mother bakes."_ I could tell that Bill was blushing by the tone of his voice.

"Ah, family traditions." I nodded in understanding.

"_You say that like you have some."_ Bill's giggle made me smile and duck my head bashfully even though I was alone in the room.

"We have a couple, they're kind of strange."

"_Well, family is strange, isn't it? Especially how you change when you're around them."_

"Oh yes. Family is a special thing." I heard movement on Bill's side and the noise of the video game slowly fade.

"_I… I miss you a lot, Pippa." _

I felt the blush spread onto my cheeks, my face burning hot. "I miss you too Bill. I really wish we could see each other and talk properly."

"_Thank God it's not too long until we start the tour, I don't think I could go more than a few months without seeing you."_

"Yes, I can't wait to see you and the others. The tour should be fun, huh." I lowered my head, my fingers toying with a strand of my long hair.

"_It's going to be a million times better with you here. It'd be even better if we had more time to see each place we perform but… I promise I'll try and show you as much as I can."_

There I was, blushing again. "Why must you be so sweet?" My eyes widened when I realized I had voiced my thoughts once again. I really needed to gain back control over my mouth.

Bill chuckled, almost awkwardly. _"You think I'm sweet?"_

"I-I… um, well that, um, what you said was sweet."

_Good Lord, stop your stuttering Pippa._

"_Ah, sure. How are you? You know, after all that stuff. Do you feel sick or anything?"_ I was thankful for Bill's ability to smoothly jump from one subject to another, it saved me a lot in embarrassment. However changing the subject to my poisoning wasn't making me feel any more at ease.

"Uh, I don't think so. I don't feel any different." Complete lies. I felt immensely different but I didn't want to talk to anyone about it; especially not Bill. No one could understand how I felt now. And honestly, I didn't want anyone to know anything; I didn't trust them. I couldn't.

"_Well that's fantastic. I'm so glad that this hasn't affected you,"_

You couldn't get more wrong of you tried. It's affected me more than anything else in my life.

"_And I'm glad that you're well enough to come on tour with us."_ His voice lowered a few decibels. _"I really didn't think that you would. I thought that you'd be scared about our fans."_

I wanted to scoff. How could I not be scared, worried in the least? One of his loving, devoted fans had _poisoned_ me. It wasn't as though she simply pulled on my hair and told me to back off, poisoning someone was a serious thing.

"No," I replied, my voice carrying a drop of acid. I clenched my jaw and swallowed a lump of anger in my throat before continuing with a sweet tone. "No, I'm fine."

"_Fantastic! It's going to be so much fun perfor- oh hang on a second,"_ Suddenly Bill was speaking rapid-fire German to someone else. It didn't sound pleasant, but then again German isn't exactly a pleasant sounding language. _"I'm sorry Pippa, I have to go. I'll call you… some time. Goodbye."_

Before I could respond, my hearing was filled with the familiar beep of an ended call. I chewed the tender skin of my bottom lip while pondering our conversation. I felt deeply disappointed and frustrated. From my perspective, I couldn't see how Bill could possibly think that I was alright. I thought that he would have interrogated me; that's what I expected from someone like Bill. He seemed so caring and genuinely nice. I thought he would have noticed that I was lying.

Feeling depressed, angry, disappointed and overall saddened by the matter, I grabbed a towel and trudged to the bathroom to shower.

"What a wonderful start to Christmas." I muttered bitterly to myself, clenching the towel in my fist.

The steam helped to clear my head of thoughts and the hot water helped relieve the tension in my shoulders. Half an hour later I emerged from the bedroom feeling strangely lighter and nearly ran straight into Oliver.

"Hey, Merry Christmas." He grinned at me happily, throwing his arms around me in a hug.

"Merry Christmas Ollie. Did you sleep well?" His dirty blonde locks bounced as he nodded.

"Are you ok, Pippa? I mean, cause you got sick and everything." The faintest of smiles pulled at my lips. I could always count on my cousin Oliver to notice when I was down and to try and cheer me up. He was just about the only one I _could_ count on; his pride never got in the way of caring for someone else.

"I'm… good." His eyebrows raised, creating a face of discern. "Well I've been busy and I haven't been out of hospital for long, so I'm a little bit exhausted."

"Are you really ok though? You seem quiet… well quieter than normal." Ollie laughed softly as he stared at me.

"I think so." He nodded in understanding; he knew I didn't want to talk about it anymore. "And you wonder why you're my favorite." I patted him on the top of his head before we walked down the stairs together. I could smell the food before I could see it and I could hear the chatter of several people as soon as I stepped off the last stair. Oliver walked over in the direction of the den, which I guess had my brothers playing videogames hence all the shotgun sounds.

_Since when do they play videogames on Christmas morning? Have they been talking to Bill?_

I followed Ollie to the den and stuck my head in, smiling at Dion and Aaron. "Merry Christmas guys." They both nodded, not removing their eyes from the television screen.

"Yeah, M…Merry Chri- oh my God Aaron! Dude!" Dion sputtered, making me chuckle lightly. "You suck at this man, I'm going to beat- ohh shoot." I rolled my eyes and walked away as Aaron jumped up and started doing a victory dance around my older brother.

Once I entered the kitchen I was overwhelmed with the wondrous aroma of food being cooked. Now, walking into our kitchen and smelling food cooking was a common thing, my mother is Greek after all. But Christmas; Christmas was when my mother went all out. She became an outrageous juggernaut of all things food related. Not only would she make endless amounts of Greek dishes, she embraced my father's Russian and Croatian descent by cooking their traditional foods too. An assortment of bowls, plates and other china sat on whatever free space you could find in the kitchen, all filled with food I could easily identify and that made my mouth water hungrily.

The kitchen was occupied by the women of the house, my Mama, Aunt Camille, Erica and Jezebel. Notably, my cousin Gwen was absent. I greeted everyone and surveyed the several pots, pans, dishes and the overflowing oven.

"Wow Mama, you've really got everything this year, huh?" I smiled at her in wonder. I didn't know how she managed to have the patience to make such a great amount of food.

"Of course I do, darling. It wouldn't be Christmas without everything." She grinned back at me as she continued to mix a bowl full of… something.

"Your silly mother only makes all of this so that she can force us to work for her." Aunt Camille smiled smugly as Mama made a face and shook her wooden spoon dangerously at her younger sister.

"Where is Gwen?" I questioned as I sat down and leaned on the island counter, peaking at the food in front of me. Balls of Croatian dried figs and walnut, a container of Russian Tea Cakes and Melomakarona Cookies sat before me, tempting me with their mouthwatering scent.

"Oh she's over at Bronson's house, I told her to bring him for the day. You know his parents went on a holiday for Christmas to Hawaii, just them, on their own. Whatever happened to spending the holidays with your family? Ugh, people these days." Mama shook her head in disgust as she poured the Christmas Coffee Cake mixture into a cooking tin. I glanced at Aunt Camille who was mocking Mama and rolling her eyes; I had to hide my laugh.

"Well what can I help with?" I offered, knowing I would soon be slaving over something.

"Ah, it's good you asked. Go and get those boys."

"Uh oh, vegetable time." Erica sang teasingly as I stood up and walked to the den.

"Guys?" Dion and Aaron looked up at me quickly before their eyes were once again glued to the television. "Guys it's time for the vegetables." As soon as the words passed my lips, groans of detest rang out from the group. The preparation of the vegetables was an activity that the whole family participated in. Whole sacks of potatoes, endless amounts of onions and carrots were all in need of peeling, washing and cutting along with the rest. Dion switched off the violent game and the boys grudgingly followed me back into the kitchen where Mama was hauling a sack of potatoes out of the pantry.

"Time to get your peeling arm ready." Erica elbowed Aaron in the ribs and passed him a peeler. He sighed in a dramatic fashion and picked up a sack, throwing it onto the dining table, which was covered in newspaper, with a grunt. Erica passed out the peelers before sitting down next to me and getting started.

"Hey where's Gwen? I bet she planned it so she wouldn't be here to do this." Aunt Camille swatted Aaron aver the head with a tea towel.

"She did not! She's over at Bronson's, helping him to get ready. He's going to be spending Christmas with us." She smiled happily and wiggled in her seat.

"Oh my God, are you for real? He's so annoying, all they do is get all smoochy and ewy."

Mama slapped his arm. "That is no way to talk about your cousin."

"You're like that with _Tracey._" Dion put in, using a ridiculously high pitched voice. Erica and I laughed while Aaron threw a handful of carrot peelings at Dion. Mama stepped in before it turned into a fully-fledged food fight. The table fell silent, no one having a clue what to talk about.

"Where's dad?" I asked quietly and glanced around.

"He's at the shop, buying last minute things. He should be home soon." Mama smiled curtly as she continued taking the outer layer off an onion.

"Oh good cause I don't want him chickening out on our run." Dion threw in, a grin across his face. Erica, Aaron, Oliver and I all began to moan in protest. Another tradition we had had for a long time was that after the majority of food preparations were completed, dad and us kids would go jogging up the hill to wish Mr. and Mrs. Briggs a Merry Christmas, and then carry on down and along the beach, ending with 20 pushups each. Dad used to tell us that it was so our stomachs would be ready for all the food later on, but I think it was more to get all the kids out of Mama's way while she cooked. I suddenly realized that we actually had a few strange traditions. Like the peeling of the vegetables, the running, we always invited the Briggs down to have Christmas dinner with us, we left presents until the sun began setting. As I began to really think about our funny little family things, I realized that I didn't know the meaning of some.

"Mama?" I looked at her with perplexity as the others complained about having to exercise on Christmas day.

"Yes sweetheart?"

"Why do we open our presents on the deck at sunset?" Her eyes fell into a state of thought for a moment.

"Well I guess it's because the setting sun is so beautiful and calming. And it's nice to be outside in the fresh air, the food tastes better and the gifts are more meaningful."

I couldn't get rid of the smile that plagued my face. "Mama you're such a dreamer." She shrugged her shoulders, laughing.

"Well if you don't dream you miss out on life. _You_ are living proof of that."

"Me?"

She placed the onion in her hand down and leaned on the table. "Yes, you. You always wanted to sing for people and to make them smile. Look at you, you are famous _all_ over the world and you have awards."

I hadn't realized that everyone had stopped talking and that they were now listening attentively to our conversation. A pink glow crept into my cheeks as instinctively hunched my shoulders and ducked my head a little lower to hide it.

"Don't you be embarrassed, you should be proud of yourself!" Mama declared loudly, sending me into another wave of shame. I hated, absolutely despised, being praised for my career in front of my family. I always felt guilty, being told that I was the most successful in the family. It felt unfair to my siblings and cousins. Furthermore, my family home was the only place I could go without feeling like I had to pretend; like I had to watch myself and be on my best behavior. Here I could just relax.

"You're such an inspiration to so many people and," She leaned over the table and clasped my hand in hers as I heard the door open. "You're the first celebrity we've had in our family!"

The entering footsteps stopped abruptly, everyone looking up to see Gwen, followed by her boyfriend Bronson, looking less than pleased.

"What was that?" Gwen shot at Mama, anger clear in her words.

My shoulders slumped at her aggravation. Gwen was the main reason I disliked my fame. When I was 17 and she was 18 I went along with her to a modeling competition for moral support. Modeling was something Gwen had always aspired to and when the judges saw me in the waiting area with Gwen, they approached me and asked if I was entering. When I told them that I wasn't, they talked me into it. Gwen was mad, mad at me for doing something that she wanted so much. I didn't think she could like me any less, but I was proven wrong when I won the competition and received a contract. She refused to talk to me, to be near me for nearly two months. The fact that I never refused the deal made everything worse. Modeling was something I didn't really feel passionate about, I wanted to do music. But when my dad told me that I'd have a better chance at becoming a musician by taking the offer, I couldn't say no. I attempted to make things better by putting in a good word for her with the company; eventually getting her a contract too. But she was reluctant to take that, pride got in the way. She did take it though, and we ended up modeling together a couple of times but Gwen and I had been awkward ever since; there was always visible tension between us. Gwen was pretty well known in her modeling seeing as she put everything into her career while I was focused more on my music. She was much more a prolific model than myself, but no one else seemed to recognize that. The grudge she had always carried for me had _just_ been amplified by my mother.

A flustered Mama turned her attention to her positively furious niece. "What do you mean?"

"Why would you even say that? The _only_ celebrity? Have you not seen my career? I'm a _very_ successful model for your information. Oh wait, you wouldn't notice; you're too busy doting over Miss MTV Award over here." She threw her hand in my direction, narrowly missing Erica's head. "Is anyone _ever_ going to be better than Ingrid? Is the attention ever going to be on anyone else?"

I lowered my gaze to the floor as the room went silent for the second time this morning. I could feel the hatred radiating off of Gwen's body, smothering me in guilt. The sharp squeal of a chair being pushed out made me jump. Aunt Camille rushed toward her daughter, grabbing her roughly by the arm and dragging her into the den, leaving behind a bewildered and embarrassed Bronson. Mama excused herself from the table and left for the bathroom with watery eyes. Erica rushed after her while Ollie asked if I was alright. I bit back the tears and nodded.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." I apologized quietly to Bronson.

"No, I'm sorry that she snapped like that." He moved to sit in Mama's seat, his face contorting into a smile. "Guess that's what hormones do to you, huh."

"Hormones?" Dion squinted Bronson with a baffled expression; the same one the whole table was wearing.

"Yeah you know, the stuff that causes mood swings and that when you're pregnant." My jaw fell from its place, my eyes widening.

"Gwen's pregnant?" Aaron yelled out as he pounded his fist on the table. Bronson's face was something I'd never forget; he knew he'd put his foot in it.

"Holy fuck." Jezebel cursed, throwing her hand to her mouth in shock.


End file.
